Not a day goes by that I haven’t thought about Charlie Kirk since his martyrdom.

And to this day, I still find myself getting emotional, remembering the feeling of guilt from my own personal failings and lack of faith that contrasted with the way he lived his life. So much so, that I felt compelled to write about it—or more accurately, confess my sins. For the thought kept running through my mind that day was “Charlie Kirk took the bullet I deserved.”

Original Post: Charlie Kirk Took the Bullet I deserved

I imagine it was quite similar to how Peter felt after he had denied Christ before He was sent to the cross. Thankfully, that wasn’t the end of Peter’s story. Nor was it the end of mine.

In honor of Charlie and his organization, I ended up buying a t-shirt that pictures him with his fist in the air. And since then, I’ve worn it as a reminder that his death could be a turning point in my life. On that shirt is a quote from Isiah 6:8, “Here I am, Lord. Send me!” So this week, I decided to revisit that passage, and what it can mean for those with ears to hear and eyes to see.

Israel and Judah were going down dark paths during the times of the prophets (approximately between 800 and 400 BC, give or take a century), including the worship of foreign gods, drunkenness, sexual immorality, and even child sacrifice. Though we remember the prophets for their righteousness, faithfulness, and courage, they didn’t exactly have a fun job. It meant telling people things they didn’t want to hear and confronting rulers of their wickedness, and then some.

They nicknamed Jeremiah the “weeping prophet,” for not only was he in constant despair because the Jews would not listen to his warnings, but they punished him for it, going so far as to throwing him in a cistern. Ezekial laid on his side in public for over a year as a sign of Israel and Judah’s sin against God. Hosea was instructed to marry a prostitute, of whom after they had a few kids together, left him to re-enter the workforce (to symbolize Israel’s adulterous spirit towards God). And Jonah… well he got swallowed by a flippin’ whale! Enough said!

What’s striking about Isiah in Chapter 6, is when the Seraphim (aka angels) approach him to give him his calling of prophecy, his first though wasn’t “Of course you’re coming to me, because I’m the man,” like many of us would. His exact words were “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips…” (6:5). Or in other words, “Oh crap! Daddy’s home and he has his belt off ready to unleash fury! I knew I shouldn’t have back talked to mom!”

It was a reaction rooted in humility, recognizing he was unworthy of their presences as a sinner. To which one of the Seraphim offered him a burning coal, and once it touched Isiah’s mouth, atoned for his sins. And when the voice of the Lord indicated He had a message to deliver and asked, “Whom shall I send,” Isiah responded simply and boldly, “Here I am. Send me!”

He didn’t ask, “well what’s the message,” and after receiving the message (which was full of doom and gloom for the people he was to deliver it to), he didn’t go, “Gee God, isn’t there somebody else who can deliver it? I’m just an ordinary guy!” He would go on to deliver his prophecies with conviction.

Isiah, as well as the other prophets (with the exception of Jonah, and well… we know what happened to him), would go on to fulfill their duties faithfully and obediently. And though their jobs weren’t fun, they were instrumental in God’s plan, particularly when it came to the foretelling of the coming Messiah.

And for all the guilt I felt on the day of Charlie Kirk’s death, I couldn’t imagine the guilt Peter felt when he denied his Lord those three times in the courtyard. Because when it comes down to it, as Isiah rightfully understood, all of us have fallen short of the glory of God. Each of us has sinned, and deserve the death He endured. Yet, through His love, Jesus took it upon Himself to pay our debt on the cross. And after He conquered death and rose from the dead, he saw his disciple Peter again, where he asked him three times, “Peter do you love me?” Peter responds with, “Yes, of course I do,” to which Jesus responds accordingly.

“Feed my sheep.”

Peter was forgiven. He was given a clean slate… another chance. And with that, he would go on to courageously spread the gospel under the threat of immense persecution. He became instrumental in the foundation of the early church, and legend says that when they finally decided to crucify him for his faith, he request that he be crucified upside down, for he was unworthy of dying in the same manner of his Lord and Savior.

In the end, he answered the same call as Isiah. “Here I am. Send me!”

If you’ve read any of my posts, it’s no secret that I’m a bit concerned about the direction of the United States. I’m concerned because I believe, just like the ancient Israelites, that we are prone to biblical judgement as a nation, and we’ve permitted much evil while shining our personal idols. I believe we’re under spiritual attack, that Satan would love nothing more than to see America divided… to see America fall. This can easily be seen by not just those who mock his death, but by all the podcasters, influencers, and others who have used his death for their own fame and financial gain, even to the point where they attack his widow and the organization he ran. And I believe it is no coincidence Satan took out one of the most effective and influential leaders of our generation.

I also know that Satan is arrogant, and in his arrogance, is blind to the almighty power of God. His memorial became probably the biggest proclamation of the gospel in the history of the Earth, and inspired many of us to turn back to God, to be better versions of ourselves… to not just get in the race, but to finish it, so we too can hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” when it becomes time to meet our maker.

Yes, he inspired many of us… myself included.

So, for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I pray this day that we may become the type of Christians that will answer the call. I pray that we will look at where our faith my be lacking, so that we can work and prepare for the day we may be called to act righteously. For some, it may be simply opening your bible for the first time in years. For others, it may be volunteering for a church group, or going to a schoolboard meeting to speak out on an issue when nobody else is willing to. And for some, it may mean we confront those out of love that are engaging in evil or self-destructive behaviors, even at the risk of looking foolish or losing friendships. Because listen or not, like the prophets, you gave them a chance, and you will be rewarded in the end.

I have a long way to go, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to the level of faithfulness as Charlie Kirk. But I know that I’m much farther along than I was a year ago on this date. And I don’t intend on going back either.

I intend to be a man after God’s heart, like Charlie. I intend to be a man that when called, will reply boldly with, “Here I am Lord. Send me!”