The Florentine Horror!!!

I munched slowly, unsure exactly what type of meat I had placed in my mouth.  The rest of my family had called it quits many bites ago, the fishy taste far from what they were expecting.  But with two sandwiches purchased, I couldn’t justify giving up that easily.  Besides, why would it be the busiest vendor in Florence’s Central Market if it were that bad?  I mean, you had your choice of pizza, burgers, fried rabbit, seafood, pasta, porchetta, you name it, and people were lined around the corner for this stuff!

Lampredotto

“This tastes funny,” said my sister after her first bite.  Hey, that’s my line, used to say that all the time whenever I didn’t like something.  It was her idea to get this stuff in the first place!

“I’m sure it’s an acquired taste,” I replied.  “You just got to get used to it.  You know, be a little cultured every now and then.  Wthis stuff called again?”

“Lampradotto,” answered my mother, reading from the Wikipedia page.  “A typical Florentine dish, made up of meat from the…” a rapid grin began to grow on her face.  Oh, no.

“…The fourth stomach of a cow.”  Instantly, my face flipped.  I tossed the sandwich across the table and dimmed my eyes, settling into a deep, and hopeless stare into space while my mom settled into an uncontrollable giggle.  The more I fumed, the more she giggled, and vice versa, the bustling, public setting preventing a scene.  Cow stomach?  Are you freaking kidding me???  12 Euros down the drain!

Lampredotto Selfie

I went for my beer, half full of course.  For some reason or another, the Italians find it acceptable to fill a beer glass with a considerable amount head.  That crap wouldn’t fly in the states.  No way José!  Unfortunately, I’d have to buy another one, half full, just like the last.

Italy Beer

What a bull crap pour!

And to be honest, I don’t know why people lose their mind of the food here.  They have a tendency to skimp on the toppings, you know.  It’s like, two slices of peperoni, really?  Every restaurant you got is nothing more than a poor man’s Olive Garden, minus the breadsticks.  Speaking of Olive Garden, where the heck are they?  They’re supposed to be everywhere around here, like Starbucks!

Starbucks… there’s another thing I could use.  At least a cappuccino’s here are only a euro.  And check out the sweets!  Now that’s something you can’t get at your average Starbucks!

At least they got one of these places.

Italy McDonalds

The Fanta looks different here.  Tastes different too!

Fanta

I guess they got some pretty nice art, too.  I mean, check out these fancy schmancy churches, decorated with paintings and all!  My church was never quite this nice.  You think they’d spend a little less time on the art and a little more time on the food.  Cow stomach?  Give me a break!

Or the infrastructure while we’re at it.  Get a load of this tower.  The whole thing’s about to tip over!

Pisa 2

And check this one out!  This church even has this giant dome with a painting that has devils eating dude’s and stuff!  Sheesh, I’d hate to be that guy.  And at the top, God’s having a party and stuff!

Devil eating a dude

And what’s with this guy, standing around with his dingle all hanging out?  And everybody’s taking a picture of it too!  I can’t believe it!  For heaven’s sake, there’s kids watching!  This is most inappropriate, and people are just staring at him, like it’s no big deal!

David 1

At least he’s not this guy.  He got his hacked off!

And look at those abs!  That butt too!  I bet ya that guy did some killer planks back in his day.  Man, people must’ve worked out all the time back then.  No wonder so many people are taking pictures.  Why, dad’s even snapping away.  This is getting a little weird now.

There’s some cool things about the old country, I suppose.  Check out this place is right on the water!

And get a load of this guy.  Talk about a hunka-hunka-hunk!!!

Town pic 1

They got some nice views too.  Look at me!  I’m on top of the world!

Oh, and it turns out, I’m an uncle now!  Her name’s Lottie, and I think she likes me… and wine too!  Also, as a bonus, she ralphed all over my little sister.  Ahahaha, serves her right!

Lottie and the wine

I think we’re gonna get along just fine.

Me and Lottie

It was sad to see her go, though.  Not saying I shed any tears or nothin’.  Not sayin’ I didn’t either…

Lottie Sad

Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t!  Who cares?!?!  It’s not like I had a choice.  I had things to do, places to see, that type of stuff.

Like this London place people are talking about…

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