I’ve been up since around 3 or 4 AM this morning. My little girl has been up since around 4 in the morning, and who can blame her? She’s probably just as jet lagged as I am! So, I took her out walking around early in the morning, and it hit me. I can no longer say Kalimera to you, for returned home a few days ago.
I know it’s home, and the US will always be my home, but these Greeks, they were good to me. And let me tell ya, Rich, I’m already missing the heck out of them, and for a while, I just won’t be my regular self.
These guys I worked with… Let’s just say I’d bet you get along with em’ just fine, sort of like how we get along with our buddy Mike. Because no matter how much of a dingus he can be, by golly, he’s still family, and we still love em’! And that’s the same with these guys as well. They were family to me, and I loved them as if they were my brothers and sisters. I just hope I get to see them all again, whether it’s this life or the next.
I put together a little slideshow of the memories I had in Greece. You’ve probably seen most of them, but it’s a good summary of my time here. Just looking at it and listening to the music brings a tear to my eye.
Rich, I’m not one to get sentimental, but I’m not one to lie either, and the truth is, I’m going to miss this place. The people, the functional madness that somehow keeps things running, the beauty of the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, the white and blue buildings on every Greek island, Taking my son to the cafe on a Saturday Morning for some spanakopita, A cappuccinos and lattes for $2.50–Rich, let me tell ya, I went to Starbucks this morning for a latte… over 6 dollars and 50 cents! I couldn’t believe it! And the service was terrible too! I walked in, and they didn’t serve me for almost 5 minutes–let alone acknowledge I was even there! Last time I go there–See, I haven’t even been here a full day and I’m already worked up!
I suppose the moral of the story is, we have it pretty good in the States and like you, I’m darn proud to be an American, but at the same time, I can really learn to appreciate different cultures, especially ones like Greece. After all, they did influence a lot of what became of western society, so we have a lot to thank them for. And if you ask any Greek, they’ll swear that every word in the English language comes from Greek words (and that’s the honest truth, not just a joke from the Big Fat Greek Wedding movie)!
We’re home for about a month or so, and then it’s off to our next adventure, South Korea. So far, I hear good things, and it’ll be great for the kids. Dennis Rodman raves about the North, but from what I hear, it’s hard to get in. Apparently, it’s so good, that most people don’t ever leave, but you know me, I’m not really into those types of crowds who think there better than everybody, so if Mr. Kim Jong Un wants to be exclusive, then so be it. I’ll take my money where I’m welcome.
I got one last token of appreciation for my Greek travels coming your way. I know how much of a coin collector you are, so I have this one coming your way. I know it’s not Navy, but the Marines aren’t so bad, and if you serve the country in uniform, then you’re alright with me.
So, although our Greek adventures have concluded, we have some new adventures just around the corner. Korea will be different, and it surely won’t be Greece, but I think it will be good, and I’m looking forward to sharing the stories with you.
So until next time, as the Greek’s say, “Kalispera kai kali vrathia!”
And of course, I can’t end this without a clip from one of the all time most famous Greeks, Zorba!
Oh, and when you do make it out there, Rich, make sure they teach you how to dance…
Very respectfully,
Zack
PS: If you enjoyed reading the story of our Greek Adventures, please consider checking out a copy of my book “The Significance of a Birthday”. It also makes a great birthday gift, not just for children, but for people of all ages!
September 12th, 2024 – France… No Wonder They Call it Les Misérables!
Kalimera, Rich. I wish I could tell you I was in a better mood, but the times have their way of catching even the best of us off guard…
We just got back from this place called France, and boy, what a dud! Everybody acts like it’s the bee’s knees, but you saw just as I did on the Olympics when that freaky lookin’ blue guy showed up! The warning signs were there, but unfortunately, the wedding would go on with or without us, and there was nothing I could do about it!
I mean, c’mon! What a weirdo!!!
Let’s get this out of the way first and foremost. French babes, waaaay overrated! I know it doesn’t matter to us since we’re happily married men and all, but if it came down to it and I had to choose, I’d take a good Greek woman over them, any day!
And whenever they have lunch or dinner, it’s like it takes 3 hours just to get through the dang meal! It’s like they take a bite, then talk for 20 minutes, then take another bite, and after one course is done, it’s more waiting and more talking! I mean, let’s get with the program guys! I have things to do and people to see!
And that’s another thing! The food ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be either! The cheese smells, I ask for a steak and they give me this pate crap, but they have this stuff called “foie gras,” which I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed! I think there was only one restaurant here that was worth the trip for me, but the wife was in a hurry to get out of there, so I barely got a picture of it for ya.
You and me, Rich… we’re good ol’ fashioned meat and potatoes types of guys, and I’ll hand it to the Greeks, they do meat and potatoes probably as good as anybody I know! Just give me a nice hunk of souvlaki, a side of fried potatoes and a nice pint of beer and I’m satisfied!
Oh, and here’s the worst part! Look what they did to our bags!
My bag, toast!
Sunglasses? Toast.
iPhone cord? Done for…
Nice shirt? Well, it was…
And worst of all, LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY GREEN BAY PACKERS SHORTS!!! HOW COULD THEY DO SUCH A THING?!?!?!
Completely unacceptable. I mean, how does something like that happen? And just imagine if this was Mike and his Eagles’ shorts? Geez Louis you wouldn’t hear the end of it! I bet ya he’d be complain at the office for weeks!!!
Oh, they also ruined one of my wife’s handbags. Not sure what YSL stands for, but all’s I know is she was even more upset than I was!
Well, at least I could salvage a few moments with some pictures…
Oh, and Grandma and Grandpa got to come visit as well, so I suppose that’s all right…
And to add to the craziness, we get back in town with only days left to spare, and this dude shows up!
I’m not sure what all the fuss is about. I mean, we’re already running around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off! The last thing I need is some hot shot coming around making things worse! He did like my Green Bay Packers lanyard, so I guess he was alright in the end. Probably heard good things about Wisconsin and would like to visit someday. Who knows?!?!
Well, gotta go finish packing. Looks like I’ll be up for a while. Wish me luck!
July 8th, 2024 – Malakas and the Cave of the Apocalypse
Kalimera, Rich!
I hope you had a good Independence Day. You know the deal over here about the 4th. It’s not that they hate it, but just don’t understand the significance of it all like we do. So, instead of trying to fight it, I took matters into my own hands and headed to this place called Patmos.
Now, most people like our buddy Mike would go, “another Greek island, big whoop!” Especially since you have to sail your way there. The trip was like 8 hours long!
Got into town at like 2 in the morning!
But let’s just say that I’m glad you’re much wiser than our Eagles obsessed friend of ours, because you know just as well as I do that Patmos ain’t just any normal island. It’s the place where St. John saw the apocalypse and wrote all about it in the book of Revelation! You know, the battle of Armageddon, the white horse? The red horse. The black horse… THE PALE HORSE!!!
No joke, I went to that place and stood in the cave where it all went down! And I would’ve taken some pictures for your sake, but the priests at the church there told people not to. Is it a sacred place of which pictures would adulterate its holiness? I’d say so. Were people breaking the rules and taking pictures anyway? No doubt about it. But all’s I know is, when an Orthodox Priest asks you to do something, I ain’t gonna argue with him, especially in the eyes of God. When it comes time for final judgement, that’s one less thing I have to answer to, so you bet your sweet tush I was on my best behavior!
Story has it that after they killed off all the other disciples from the bible, they tried to take out St. John by boiling him in a big pot of oil. But guess what? It didn’t’ work! I’m not sure if he even got hurt! So instead, they exiled him to this place, only for him to write about the end of the world. But take a look at the views! I hope the jerks who tried boiling him alive felt like a bunch of suckers after it all, cause that’s what they are! Rich, I don’t care how terrible you are, I would never imagine boiling somebody in oil, not even the worst Eagles fan in the world!
They also had a monastery up there, and boy, did I feel at peace up there, just like when I went to Meteora. Now this was the vacation I was looking for! A little time to soak in the atmosphere, enjoy a beer or two, and just… relax.
It was almost the perfect short trip, until I ran into a couple of malakas on the ride back home. I walk into my sleeping cabin on the ferry and pulled down my bed only for this guys to get his panties in a twist and confront me with a stern, “BRO!” I just stared at this turkey and his friend, who thought their muscles were bigger than their brains. “Like, really? You’re mad about me coming into a room that I paid for? Why didn’t you get your own room ya dingus!” After a short conversation, he acquiesced, and I crawled up into my bed. But Rich, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. I don’t know what’s with these kids these days. It’s like nobody ever taught them how to show a little respect! He’s just lucky you weren’t there, cause if that guy talked to you the way he talked to me, his bottom would’ve been beaten cherry red! Luckily I made it home safe and sound without any further issues.
August 16th, 2024 – What’s the Deal with Wildfires?!
Kalimera Rich!
First off, sorry for taking so long to get back to you with a proper update. I thought taking care of one child was hard enough, but man oh man, now that I have two, it’s a hand full! And let me tell ya, you ain’t foolin’ this one. She means business.
Now, I know I have a bias, but I think there’s a good argument that this is the cutest little girl in Greece!
And don’t forget about my other dude. He’s still into that Thomas the Tank Engine, but now he’s also got his eyes on tractors, bulldozers, excavators, and the likes! That’s alright for a guy like me. Better he’s into those than princesses and ponies and stuff.
And for the most part, he plays pretty well with his little sister, although there are times he doesn’t quite understand his strength and is a little rough with her, of which I can completely relate. I remember all’s I wanted to do was practice some wrestling moves I learned on the TV on my little sister, and two powerbombs and a suplex later, she was screaming bloody murder all the way to my mom and getting me grounded for it! I’m tellin’ ya Rich, us guys don’t have it easy, but I suppose it’s just the burden we bear… the price we pay as part of growing up… for becoming men.
Second, and most important, thanks for checkin’ in on us with regards to these dang ol’ wildfires going around. The good news is that we’re all safe now and things have subsided for the moment, but boy did it get a little scary there for a minutes. Just check out this picture!
That’s right outside one of our embassy houses, which wasn’t even one of the ones that got a mandatory evacuation order! One of the houses was just a street away from getting completely burnt down! Luckily for the family, the fire couldn’t quite get over the road, so the house was spared.
But get this, when our safety coordinator went over the next day to survey the damage, there was this 90-year-old broad out there with her watering house still fighting the thing off! Apparently, she didn’t get the memo, and let me tell ya, by the way he described it, she had some thoughts on these fires, and she wasn’t gonna let anybody tell her to leave her house (if you ask me, it sounds like a certain Eagles fan we know…)! I guess when you’re 90, you reserve the right to do what you want, even if it is standing your ground against a wildfire. And who knows? Maybe she’s the reason why the place didn’t get torched after all?!?!
As you can see, they got some dry grass and underbrush over here which doesn’t help anything, but worse than that, you have all these hooligans running around, smoking their cigarettes and being careless. And get this, some of em’ even start the fires on purpose! This generation, Rich… I don’t know what’s going to with them. I’m starting to think it was partly our fault for not spanking their bottoms black and blue when we had the chance…
Only one month left before we head home. Let’s just hope we can make it back without any more drama…
September 3rd, 2024– The Corinth Canal
Alright, we had to get one last Greek vacation in before we depart. And what else were we going to do? The movers came by and took most of our stuff away, so we ain’t got nothing in the house.
So, we decided to go to the beach again.
And on the way back, we stopped by this place called Corinth, where they have this thing called the Corinth Canal. And I can’t lie Rich, there’s not a lot that impresses me these days. But this… this was impressive!
Get this, they even built this back in like the bible days, where all the technology was ancient and stuff! You gotta hand it to the Greeks, or at least the Corinthians, they were ahead of their time. And you know, speaking of the bible, I think there’s a book called Corinthians in it. I sort of wonder if they’re related, but it’s probably just a coincidence…
Anyways, the little dude liked it, and get this, they had these people doing bungie jumping in the middle of it as well! Now I’m sure as a young sailor, you would’ve done something like this to impress the ladies, but thank God I don’t need to do any more impressing, because those guys are crazy! I’ll leave the thrills of bungie jumping to you. I’m going to pass on this one.
Well, I have to go to this place called France next week for a wedding. And just between you and me, I have a bad feeling about it. I don’t quite remember where it was said, but I hear that:
A: the French are A-holes and…
B: that French babes don’t shave their pits!
Not good. Anyways, pray for me and wish me luck, cause I’m gonna need it if I’m going to survive!
Well Rich, it turns out that vacations aren’t quite the same when you have 2 kids…
I know what you’re thinkin’. “Wow, that’s a nice picture!” Well, let me tell ya, it was a miracle we were able to get that one, because we just got back from this place called Rhodes and I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation! That trip wore me out! I mean, when you go on vacation, you’re supposed to be sitting on the beach, drinking a few beers, hanging out by the pool, eating a bunch of fancy food, and all in all relaxing the days away. I even tried to make it easy by staying at a resort near the water for a couple of nights, and well, apparently, that was too much to ask. No kidding, for the entire time I was there, it was like I was doing everything I could to prevent the little ones from getting us kicked off the island! And finally, after all the screaming and running around and one is finally ready for a nap, it’s the other’s turn to wreak chaos. Geez Louis! I seriously could not catch a break!
The one and only picture I could take before all hell broke loose!
Oh, and to make matters even worse, the night before, I accidently ate some bad lamb and ended up doing some barfing all night! I knew I should’ve listened to Niko about ordering lamb from a restaurant on Easter…
And that’s another thing. Last year, we made a big hoopla about Orthodox Easter. But since we were flying out on a vacation the next day, we settled for the Easter bunny this year.
Anyways, remember how I told you how much the Greeks hate the Turks? Well, apparently back then, it was even worse, because the big deal with this place was since it’s so close to Turkey, they built a giant castle on the edge of the island so they could shoot at them and fight them off whenever they came by. And well, I suppose it was a pretty good castle, because it’s still standing today. And actually, if the kiddos were behaving for a minute or so, I could actually enjoy the place a little bit. I mean, they had shops inside, restaurants, museums, and all sorts of other medieval stuff. Even a few places to get a beer or two. And you know me, Rich. I’m not the fanciest guy in the world, but I’m not a barbarian either, so if it came down to it, given the right conditions, I could spend a few more nights in a place like this.
Oh, and here’s some smarty pants talking all about the island.
Oh, and when I was reading up on the place, there was also supposed to be this giant statue called the Colossus where this dude stood on each side of the bay and all the ships that came in had to go under him. Apparently, it was so big, that they considered it a “wonder of the ancient world.”
But, when we got there, he was nowhere to be seen, and when I asked around, the word was it fell down a couple thousand years ago or so, which in the end, I think I’m alright with.
Not that it wasn’t impressive and all, but can you imagine having back in your navy days pulling into port and having to go under some guy’s dirty crotch? What kind of sick mind devised such a thing? And what if you had kids on the boat? You’re telling me they were forced to be exposed to that? Den Nomizo Taki!
Good riddance, Statue of Colossus. I for one am glad you were toppled years ago. And now that I think about it, if I was a Turk and had to go under that thing, I’d be pretty pissed off at the Greeks too!
Sheesh.
June 23rd, 2024 – The Hot Hot Heat Calls For Hot Sausage!
Kalimera, Rich!
I guess today is officially the first day of summer, but if you were over here, you’d swear it’d been summer for the last few months now! Holy moly did it get cookin’! So much that we just had to get out of town for a little bit. And this time, I’m glad we did!
Now Rich, you know I won’t be here forever, so if you come and I’m not here, you gotta meet this guy Niko. Not only is he my best bud over here, but he is a grill master. Just take a look at him on the bbq! It’s not every day you come across a rock star like that!
He invited us to his villa in this place called Agio that’s on the coast of the Gulf of Corinth. Not only did he make us lambchops, which is my favorite over here, but and he had this sausage… You know me, Rich. I’ve been to many a sausage fest in my life and tasted all different kinds. But his… I don’t think I can remember a better tasting sausage if I’m honest with you. It was just so flavorful and juicy… I mean, it was like a party in my mouth! I’m tellin’ ya, you gotta try it. So, when you head over, give me a heads up and I’ll get you in touch with Niko so you can taste his sausage. You won’t regret it.
The kids will have some fun too!
And I’ll tell ya, we were lucky to have it as well! That day they had record temperatures in the Peloponnese along with several wildfire alerts, which happened to be the day that these two hunks decided to go to grace the beach with their presence. Coincidence? I think not!!!
We also made it down to Kalamata, and I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, isn’t that where those olives I buy at Costco are from?” And the answer to your question is, yes. But if I told you we went down for the olives, I’d be lying. Sure, they’re great and all, but a three-year-old could care less about some slimy olives. All he wants is trains. Train, trains, trains.
So, we went to the biggest train park in Greece, on the hottest weekend of the year. I’m glad he was having a good time, because I was struggling! I think I went through about 3 or 4 coke zeros and Schweppes sodas just to get through the afternoon!
Though you can complain about the heat, you can’t complain about the views. This was our dinner that night. I don’t care what Mike says. You can’t beat this!
January 24th, 2024 – New Year’s Eve? More like New Year’s Bust!!!
Rich, it drives me nuts, but every year, people make this big deal about New Years, and every year, it just lets me down. And to nobody’s surprise, this year was no different.
Here in Athens, instead of doing a ball drop, they have fireworks that go off over the Acropolis, and it’s supposed to be a big deal. You know me, I don’t get all the hoopla, but the wife really wanted to see it, so I agreed to go, and let me tell ya, worst decision we’ve made since we’ve been here.
We got a hotel next to this place called Monastiraki Square, which in the day time, it’s crowded, but manageable as long as you don’t have to drive through it.
A quick tour of the square in case you care to see what it looks like.
But on New Years, it was just a bunch of hooligans running around and raising hell! They were playing loud music all night, lighting off firecrackers, climbing on things, getting the police agitated, and frankly, I think most of them probably had too much to drink, especially for how young they were. So all we could do was just stay in our hotel room and wait it out, thanks to these turds!
This was the crap we were dealing with!
Man was I miserable or what. The kids didn’t appreciate it either, for they had had enough of it long before I did. Boy oh boy was that little one cranky. Why, I think it was way past midnight before any of us got to sleep. Good grief!
And the worst part, we waited all night, and when it was time for the New Year, we couldn’t even see the fireworks. It turns out we were on the wrong side of the Acropolis! All that waiting for nothin’.
Oh, and to put a cherry on top, we all ended up getting this thing called RSV. And because my daughter was so little, she had to go to the hospital for a few days! I mean, first COVID, now this!!! I should’ve known better.
The good news is that since the year started off so bad, we could only go up from here, which we managed to recover enough to throw a birthday party for my son. It was at this place called Gymboree, and he and his friends had a blast. Got him to run around for a few hours, which meant after he was done, he got a nice nap, and as a parent yourself, you can never complain about that! He had a nice little cake to eat too.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of him, but he likes this guy named “Thomas the Tank Engine,” and let me tell ya, him and his friends are crazy. Always crashing into things, always causing confusion and delay. Luckily, nobody gets hurt in the show, but he can’t get enough of it! He’s singing the songs, getting all the trains, and why, he even knows all their names by heart! I can’t lie, he’s starting to impress me a little bit.
Oh, and my Packers surprised me with a playoff win as well! Man did they put up a whoopin’ on the Cowboys! You should’ve seen it Rich, I mean, they straight up embarrassed them! Man, do I feel sorry for all the Cowboys fans out there…
Err, I mean. My condolences Rich, for your Cowboys. Look, to me, it’s almost as if I didn’t even want to win the game, and if it were up to me, we’d be playing the Eagles so we could both be rejoicing and sulking in Mike’s misery. I guess it’s just a cruel world we live in, pitting good friends against each other. And as much as your hurting right now, I may be feeling your pain in a few days when we play the 49ers. I have hope but man, they’re always giving us a hard time!
All in all, it’s been a tough year so far for both of us, and ain’t that the truth! It’s always build up, build up, build up. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Then, New Years hits and bam, it one big let down. I suppose it has a purpose though, for one of em’ has to be the bearer of bad news in the group. Well, we have a few more months of winter left ahead of us, so plenty of time to hunker down and recover until the Spring is here. And I for one, can’t wait.
Until then, take care of yourself, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t let the turkeys (or in your case, the Eagles) get you down.
It’s been a while since I’ve written, but it’s a sensitive matter, because let’s face it, I think you’re the only guy who would understand. And besides, our buddy Mike is a little slow with his reply’s (not like you were), so I need to speak to a reliable source, somebody who won’t let me down. Am I disappointed in him, yes, as we all should be, but I can’t be too hard on him for at least he had the decency to give me your personal email.
But, as I predicted last year, nobody stepped up to the plate. It was a tough job, but somebody had to do it. So, I put my big boy… or I suppose you could say my big red pants on, and…
That’s right. I was Santa this year.
And let me tell ya, Rich, that’s some risky business, although I’m not telling you anything you already know! Some kid tries to tug on your beard, another tries to trick you into saying you’re “not the real Santa (and like they even know!),” and you should’ve heard what some of these kids were asking for! Why, this one girl who landed herself on the naughty list, Rich I kid you not, asked for “a nuclear bomb so she could blow up her brother’s room.” I don’t know about you, but back in my day, saying something like that to the big guy would give you a lifetime ban from the Nice List. Oh, and the worst one I had… get this. I asked this little boy what he wanted, and he said to me with a solemn face, “I just want my mom and dad to stop fighting.” I don’t care how many years you’ve been on the job, good luck coming up with a good answer for that one!
But you know what, the reward greatly outweighed the risk. I mean, check out the service I had rolling into the ambassador’s house…
Talk about a reception!
That’s right, police escort service, and boy, you should’ve seen the reception. I was the biggest celebrity in Greece that day! Man, the kids were lining up, giving me hugs, excited to talk to me! Even the ambassador wanted to shake my hand, and he’s got it good with the President! And I never realized this, but the ladies were pretty fond of Santa as well. This particular one had a penchant for becoming Mrs. Claus.
All in all, I can say that we’re in a short list of people man enough to step up and do the job. But boy does it feel get to be in such upstanding company. There aren’t many like us left in the world Rich, but thank God we exist, and as long as I’m still here, well, I find it my duty, and my honor, to serve my country in such a dignified role, and I’m darn lucky I had your mentorship over the years to prepare me for this moment. I couldn’t have done it without you, though I do admit, I did find some “how to” videos on the internet that showed me how to be a good Santa.
As for our buddy Mike, I’m afraid he’s been a bad boy this year, forgetting to write Santa back. Expect plenty of coal in his stocking. But no need for you to worry, Rich. I’ll make sure you have plenty of presents under the tree this year, now that I have a say.
December 6th, 2023– What’s with all the Olive Oil???
It was a relatively calm Sunday morning, at least as calm as it can be for a wife in labor. For the most part, there was a lot of waiting. And waiting. And… “Hey doc, it’s around lunch time. Do you think I have time to grab a bite to eat?”
“Oh yea, the baby probably won’t be here for at least a few more hours, so go ahead and run up to the cafeteria.”
“Ok, great,” I think to myself, as any normal man would having just been permitted to eat food. I make my way up there, and as I’m causally strolling through the café with a pizza-like pastry in my hand, “because why not? We have a couple hours to kill, so it’s not like I’m stressed. But wait, what’s this?” As I’m about to pay, my phone rings. It’s the doctor. “…Hello?”
“Hi Zack, the pregnancy is moving a bit faster than we originally thought, so no need to rush, but as soon as you finish your food, go ahead and come back down to the ward.”
“Sure, no problem. Again, not going to stress, just going to finish this pizza snack and head back down. I mean, you heard the guy, right? No need to rush. So no, I’m not going to—”
Not even a minute passed, and the doctor is standing in front of me. “Zack, the baby’s coming! We gotta go!” Apparently, things were changing at an exponential rate! Or the doctor’s wife, who also was serving as the midwife, had a word or two with him and made him act accordingly. But long story short, I scarfed my pizza down, ran to the ward, put my scrubs on, and got ready for prime time.
We’re working through the process, but 2:30 rolls around and my wife is in need of some extra motivation. “So, Zack says he’s going to buy you a new purse if the baby is delivered by 3:00,” the doctor says to my wife.
“Wait a minute… purse? Who said anything about a—”
“What kind of purse?” she asks.
“A Coach purse!” I quickly blurt.
“Did you say Channel?”
“No, I said Coach, A—”
“Oh my gosh, Channel, I can’t believe it!”
“No, not Channel, NO—hey, what’s with the olive oil? Why are you pouring it—JUST HOLD ON A SEC—”
So, at approximately 2:58 PM on October 22nd, our daughter Teigan Hazel was born.
It wasn’t long before she was in my arms and I was doing my best to welcome her into the world. “You know who she looks like,” asked the doctor’s wife as I rocked her back and forth.
Suddenly, my heart stopped, and a cloud of anxiety grew heavy over my mind. “Oh no, please don’t say Rich… please don’t say Rich…”
“She looks like her father!”
“Phew!” Talk about a huge relief!” And Mike, I think she was right. I mean, I know my little dude’s a good lookin’ guy, but her. I can’t even!
And you know, at first when I discovered I was having a girl, I was a little worried, especially with all the bad boys in the world. But after seeing her face, I gotta say, I think I’m going to be all right. Just promise me that if anything happens or if I’m in need of a pinch, that you and Uncle Rich will be there to look after her! I mean, I am a little worried about her spending too much time with Rich, and God forbid, becoming a Cowboys fan. That would be one grumpy baby! But dang it, there aren’t that many men I trust in the world anymore, and if it came down to it, I know I could count on him!
But Mike, let me tell ya, she already knows! I think she’s asleep and ready for bed… nope! She wants to be in daddy’s arms. And I try to sit down for a short while… nope! She wants to be standing! She’s barely just a girl, but acting like a woman who knows what she wants and won’t settle for anything less! Pray for me!
And don’t worry, we’re still getting the little guy some love! Just last week, he got all dressed up for the embassy Halloween party! I think he came out pretty well too. Even snagged a picture with the ambassador and the second in command! Not bad for a 2 year old!
The holidays have been keeping us busy, trying to keep up with the little ones and all. Took a nice little trip to this place called Kalavryta, which I guess is where people go to ski in Greece, except you wouldn’t know it from the looks of the place. I mean, we’re getting to December and where’s all the snow?! At least the farm we stayed at was nice.
Oh, and our little one is starting to figure who this Santa guy is and what he brings to the table, so we’re trying to get him in the spirit a little early this year. They set up a Christmas village right after Thanksgiving, and well, all I can say is the Greeks don’t shy away from chaos! Regardless of the stress we went through, we had a great time.
And speaking of Santa… you guys remember what happened last year. I can’t lie, I’m getting a little nervous. I mean, there’s not many who can do the job like it’s supposed to and… well, I don’t want to spoil the mood for anybody, for we should be rejoicing!
So don’t be shy! For all his faults, our good buddy Rich would send me lots of updates. And I don’t want to say you’re slacking or anything, but you are Magic Mike after all, so I know you can make it happen!
There’s always something… I don’t know why. I mean, look at me? Am I the type of person that causes a lot of drama? I don’t think so. But apparently, the people in our lives just like to stir the pot, whether it’s Russia and Ukraine, or Rich talking trash about your Eagles. It’s unavoidable.
Take my buddy Kostas for example. I get back from about a month or so of training back in the States. It was a nice trip and I got to spend some quality time back home. And being that I had a little per diem, ok, so I went out to eat a few times and indulged in some of my favorite dishes. And conveniently enough, there was a McDonalds right down the street from my hotel, so sue me, I had a couple quarter pounders when I was back home. Big deal!
Anyways, I step in the office on my first day back, and Kostas has the gall to question me about my weight. And you’d think somebody would have the decency to address the topic in a sensitive way, especially in our day and age. But nooooooooooo, not Kostas. There was not subtleness to his approach. He looked at me, threw his hands up in the air, shot me a look of disgust and said, “Dude, what’s the matter with you? You’re fat!!”
Let me tell ya Mike, these Greeks, I love em’ to death, but they don’t beat around the bush.
So, now I’m running a little more and trying to watch what I eat, thanks to the father of all taki boys, Kostas. And despite the barrage of insults I’m receiving over my body, I at least have one thing going in my favor.
Wait… what’s this in front of my house???
Every Friday outside my house, we have a farmer’s market, or as they call, a “Laiki”. And I’m not going to lie to you Mike, it’s pretty awesome. I step out of my house and I can get any kind of fruit or vegetable I want. Onions, potatoes, lettuce, eggs, strawberries, peaches, apples, oranges, you name it, they have it! Oh, and they even have an olive guy who will sell me a kilo of Kalamata olives for around 5 or 6 bucks. Imagine coming home with a kilo of olives from Whole Foods… talk about a king’s ransom! Not here though. Walk down the street with 20 euros in your pocket you’re literally treated as one!
But as good as they treat me, I’m nothing compared to the little man. Mike, I’m tellin’ ya, he pretty much gets the celebrity treatment every time we walk out the door. The women are always giving him blessings, and the younger ones are blowing him kisses and waving to him, and anything he wants, he gets! A banana here, a cucumber there, and the broccoli guy’s always hooking us up with a couple extra carrots or a head of cabbage. And the potato guy… well, he got a little too weird and too touchy for our liking, so we don’t go around him any longer. But the rest of them, they’re all right.
We got to take another trip to the island Paros recently too… before I got, as the Greeks and Kostas would say, “Lipos.” I mean, it was a nice getaway and all, but a lot of the islands are starting to look the same. Which hey, I’m not complaining, as long as they have restaurants like these on them!
I’ll take a weekend on a Greek island any day, especially if it gives me a respite from the humiliation I receive from Kostas!
-Zack
August 5th, 2023 – The Gerald Ford Comes to Town
Magic Mike,
I know, it’s been a while since I’ve given you a life update, and you’re probably thinking, “man oh man, that Zack guy finally forgot about us…” Well, that’s far from the truth, for it turns out, I’ve been pretty busy these last couple of months, with trips, trainings, and visits. Speaking of visits, guess who made a stop into Greece…
That’s right, the ol’ Gerald Ford came in. So of course I had to pay my respects.
I can’t lie, it felt pretty cool rolling up there with my colleagues all enamored by such a beautiful war machine. While I got to sit back and be all, “yea, I worked on that thing.” But in all seriousness, that was quite the sight to see knowing all the blood sweat and tears that went into getting this thing deployed. And this was maybe the best part!
That’s right, that’s the system I worked on! Unfortunately, they wouldn’t turn it on for me. “But this was my baby! C’mon, you can trust me…” but the good people of the CVN 78 politely ushered me along, and I couldn’t help but respect the courtesy and attitude. I made sure to get me a ship coin or two, and I was even able to get my hands on the Chief’s Mess coin as well. However, that one I gave to a former chief who works at the embassy. He didn’t have the chance to get to visit, so it was the least I could do.
Just makin’ sure no funny business is going on…
And although that’s some pretty good news, I have something that even tops that. Check this out!
Looks like we’re going to have another little Zack running around in the next couple of months! And this time, it’s a girl! I’ll tell ya Mike, I’m excited for her, but now it’s got me thinking, with all those good looking cats in the world, you know, the smooth talkers like Rich in his younger days that all the ladies go crazy over, I’m a little worried. I’m gonna have to start doing some more pushups and getting rid of this dad-bod I have, cause there ain’t no way I’m going let any of those turkey’s near my daughter unless they’re a straight-up good citizen of the world. I’m talking they better know the bible front to back, clean cut, no tattoos, and when they go out, they better bring her back home by 8 PM by the latest, because if it’s a second later, oh boy, it’s game over! It’ll be a trip to Uncle Rich’s for a good ol’ Cowboy’s butt whippin!
Speaking of our friend Rich, he sent me some pictures of the 05V baseball outing where the Nats took on the Rockies! It was nice seeing him reunited with the good folks of NAVSEA, but something wasn’t quite right however. When I looked at the pictures, a few people were missing. “…wait, where’s Mike?” I said to myself. “And Tara? Not even Marquetta was there to see him???” Mike, I know you probably see me as a nag, but you know how sensitive Rich is. And seeing him there without his best buds by his side, he must’ve been heartbroken, for you sure as heck know I was. I’ll tell you what, though. I think if you go over to his house and offer him a hug, that’ll patch things right up. And if you want to make it a slam dunk, you should bake him an apple pie. Now that I think of it, it also wouldn’t hurt to bring him over a fruit basket, complimented with a nice wine. I’m thinking a Chardonnay for the summer season. Oh, and you’ve got hook him up with some of that prime rib they have at Harris Teeter. Boy, oh boy, that hits the spot! And a baked ziti??? Talk about icing on the cake! Ohhh, cake, don’t forget that. Carrot or red velvet, but I’d stay away from the cheesecake, you know, for the calories. And while you’re at the store, a little bit of roast beef wouldn’t hurt. Probably a pound/pound and a half would suffice. Of course, don’t forget the chips, a nice tub of Fage Greek Yogurt, and some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese… you know, for the grandkids! Throw in a few pastries and a couple Pilsners to share between two friends, and I think you’ll be alright. And now that I think of it, I heard they have one of those really nice Nacho Cheese dispensing machines at Costco. You bring him one of those along with the above, and you guys would have a party. If he doesn’t forgive you after that, then I don’t know what will…
Just don’t forget, we’re all counting on you. Rich is counting on you, so no pressure or anything, but don’t let us down!
Well, as always, please send the good folk back in the office my very best, and let them know I miss them. And don’t be shy about updates from your side either! It’s always good to hear from you. Until next time, Ya Sas, Opa, and Go Pack Go!!!
Kalimera Magic Mike, or appropriately, Kalo Pascha, which means, “Happy Easter.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Zack, what are you talking about? Easter was like 2 weeks ago. Get with the program!” And if you were here in Greece, I would say to you, “My fellow Greeks, forgive him, for he knows not what he does!!!”
Don’t worry, because this isn’t the first time this has happened, and even our highly esteemed buddy Rich would’ve been confused. And personally, I don’t know what’s going on. Something to do with a different calendar and the moon or something, so it’s usually a week off so they say. BUT… that doesn’t mean they don’t take their easter seriously. Mikey, you gotta know, Easter here… it ain’t no joke! They go all out, even going as far as churches shooting rockets at each other!
It’s almost like you have Eagles fans, who are pretty serious, but then you have Cowboys fans who take it to a whole other level, or in some cases it’s like, “What’s the matter with you guys?!” I guess the only difference is, with Easter, it’ll eventually pay off when the good Lord returns, unlike the Cowboys who will perpetually be doomed to pain and misery as long as Jerry’s still around.
First off, people go on a fast for a week, and as pretty much an honorary Greek, I did the same. That means, no meat, no oil, no dairy products, nothing! Squid and shellfish… well, that’s ok, and thankfully Mcdonalds had me covered for most of the week with their McShrimp.
Not quite a McRib, but my options are limited during a fast…
But Hershey’s chocolate, ice cream, spanakopita, souvlaki, aka, all the good stuff… sorry, no can do. The hardcore ones, you know, the bishops, priests, and other big timers, they’ll do it for 40 days straight! Now, you know me, I love the Lord and all, but I’m just not there yet. Maybe next year, but as for now, one week is about all I can handle.
Friday rolls around, and at first, you think it’s going to be a decent day, because everybody gets it off. But around 7:00 at night, things start to get a little gloomy. People start gathering to their local church, and the crowd keeps growing a growing. Now, I’m not Greek Orthodox, but I go in to pay my respects, do the whole cross thing, give the relics a quick smooch, and go up to the front. The priests are speaking in these incantations and stuff and I think telling the story about how Jesus died on the cross, at least I think since they’re all speaking in Greek for some reason. I go up there and see what looks like this giant bed frame entirely covered in flowers all with these other trinkets and icons around it, like it’s somebody’s casket, except this somebody’s a pretty big deal. I didn’t exactly know what was going on, but I just did what everybody else did so I wouldn’t look like a freakin’ idiot inside the church, which was bow their head, give the sign of the cross, bend down and give the icon a kiss, and then moved along my way. Turns out, I made it out of there with my dignity still intact.
Oh, and if you want, you can pay a euro or so and light at the entrance of the church too, just get on the Big Man’s good side.
10:00 rolls around, and the whole place is packed now, both inside the church and in the parking lot. Thank God they’re a little relaxed on fire code regulations this time of year. The priests come out, one carrying a giant cross and the others carrying the casket thing that I paid my respects too about an hour or two before, and their followed immediately by a marching band.
They start a funeral procession throughout the neighborhood with the band playing a gloomy song, and everybody follows them. And when I mean everybody, I mean everybody!
The streets are packed, and the entire neighborhood is out, and everyone has brown candles in their hands. So, I followed, with a candle of my own. You know how they say, “When in Rome?” Well, when in Greece, you better not mess around like a taki boy!
Saturday rolls around, and still people seem to be down in the dumps a little. Partly because Christ hasn’t risen from the grave yet, but I think too because on Saturday, you’re supposed to go hardcore with your fast and you’re not even allowed to cook with olive oil or anything, which can make a man grumpy, because frankly, at this point, we’re all ready to eat some real food again! But until Sunday, it’s still pretty much boiled vegetables, pita bread, and a few other things, so no McShrimp for me!
Things are looking brighter as it gets closer to midnight, for the masses are back in full swing at the church waiting for the clock to strike 12.
This time, we all have white candles, and as soon as the church bells start ringing, the candles are lit, and fireworks are going off, people are hooting and hollering, and we’re all feeling good again. Well, as for me and the wife, we didn’t exactly appreciate all the loud noises since it was past the little guy’s birthday, but we were happy the Christ finally rose from the grave. And I for one, was happy that I could eat again!
I got home, candle in hand, and mark the cross on the top of my front door, which is what everybody does when they get home (I think it’s like you get protection or your house gets a blessing from the Lord, but don’t quote me on that). There are even people who drive home with the candle, but lucky for us the church was close enough that we didn’t have to.
Now, tradition has it, that at midnight, you’re supposed to go home and have this soup made with the intestines of lamb or something to prepare your body for the big feast the next day, since you just ended your fast. But me, that sounded a bit disgusting. I mean, really? The first meal I get to eat after a fast is going to be lamb guts? I don’t think so. And besides, I’m no sissy! I don’t need some gross soup to prepare my body! I just went in the fridge and got a few snacks, just a small reward for finishing it. You know, just a few things, like a block of blue cheese, pack of salami, some chocolate, a pork gyro my wife bought the day before, chicken, chips with dip, olives and olive oil, some more cheese, and a beer or two. And man, for some reason, I went to bed with a little bit of a stomachache. I don’t know, maybe the gyro was bad.
Easter morning rolls around, and there’s no trace of that little turd of a bunny running around. Instead, the women are up early, spending all day in the house cooking and preparing food while the men sit outside and roast a lamb on a spit. According to my friend Niko, it’s a very hands-on process, where one guy turns the lamb, another who tends the coals on the fire pit, and the others have to stand around with beers in their hands telling them what they’re doing wrong. It sounds like a tough job, but it’s tradition, so if you ever go to Greece for Easter and the wife complains, just remind her that it’s very important to keep with tradition and it would be insulting to break from it, especially the beer part.
A couple of Malakas grilling up some lamb back in the day
So, after the guys cook the lamb and the women cook everything else, it’s time to feast. You pretty much eat the rest of the day. And the best part is, everybody gets Monday off as well, so you can recover from eating so much. And one of the things they make is this sweet bread with these eggs on it. The wife didn’t do such a bad job this year either!
Then you take the eggs and have egg battles with it. I’m not quite sure how you’re supposed to the battles, because I kept winning, but my wife said I was cheating or doing it wrong or something, so apparently, I didn’t win after all…
Apparently, these guys show you how to do it…
All in all, not a bad gig if I say so myself. I wouldn’t mind doing Easter the Greek way a few more times. We didn’t have enough room for the fire pit, so I had to cook my lamb in the oven. Didn’t turn out as well as I would’ve liked, but I can always try again next year! At least we got some good pictures of the family.
So please, on my behalf, wish everybody back in the office a Happy Easter, or as they say over here, Kalo Pascha and Christo Anesti!
January 26th, 2023 – Poor performances from the Packers? And Santa too??? Can’t get much lower than this…
Mr. Mike,
It’s been a little while since I’ve written. I wish I could say it’s because I’m just so busy now that I have a new job and everything. I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I have the keep the entire Embassy of the United States up and running, and believe me, that’s no joke! If things start to fall apart, my butt’s on the line, and that’s no fun, I don’t care who you are!
But in actuality, it’s a different story. Mike, it’s hard not to be depressed these days.
First off, we had Christmas. Now, this wasn’t a terrible Christmas by any means. And actually, all things considered, it was pretty good. My wife’s mom came to visit and she made a Red Velvet Baby Jesus Cake, I cooked my very own roast beast, and we all came out all right with presents. But Santa, man did he let us down this year…
We had an embassy Christmas party, which was decent enough you could say. My son built his own gingerbread house, and sad to say, I don’t think he’ll be following in the engineering footsteps of his old man. By the looks of it, demolition is in his future.
But when it came to Santa, man, this guy just wasn’t up for the task. He was boring as can be. Barely made a splash of an entrance, barely talked to the kids, and didn’t even ask my son what he wanted for Christmas! I mean, c’mon man! What’s the deal? You’re Santa for gosh sakes! Get with the program!
And I get that people are a little more cautious with kids these days, not wanting to get too close at all, but this guy acted like he was allergic to em’! I mean, he wouldn’t go near the kids! Mike, I’m telling ya, where’s our buddy Rich when we need him? Now that’s a man you can count on to be Santa. We’ve seen him in action at the Nats games. He could deliver.
I just don’t know what we’re going to do for next year. This is the US Embassy for cryin’ out loud, and we gotta set the example for the rest of the world, and alls I know is, if we can’t get Santa right, then I’m afraid… I’m just saying, somebody’s got to step up to the plate! And if I can’t get Rich out here, then… well, I don’t want to even go there right now, but let’s just say, if I have to take matters into my own hands… never mind, I’ll cross that bridge next year IF it comes down to the wire.
Now, I wish I could say that was the worst of my problems, but sadly, I can’t lie to a man like you, Mike. The truth is you see, this team I really like rooting for called the Packers just wasn’t having the year I thought they would. I mean, they lost to this team that used to be called the Redskins, and believe me, that’s not an easy pill to swallow. People have become self-masochists after something like that! Now, there was hope when they beat the Cowboys, a team that our former colleague Rich used to gleam over, but after they lost to another team called the Eagles, I just couldn’t take it anymore… I cried out to God, “Is there any humanity left in this world?!?!”
But wait… what is this? A glimmer of hope? May they actually claw their way back to the playoffs? I mean, its destiny, right? Everything was working in their favor. All they needed to do was win at home against this team called the Lions then everything will be ok! Surely they can beat them, because, who can’t beat the Detroit Lions for Denny’s sake?
Well, guess what, they lost to the bleeping Lions. And now here I am, back at square one, forced to re-enter this world, my mind wiser, but my heart… colder.
And to put a cherry on top of that, I finally happened. I never thought the day would come, but after 2 years and 8 months of invincibility, I caught the gosh dern COVID. And let me tell ya, what an annoying way to get sick! You’re always tired! You can’t do anything, and these days, you’re lucky to find anything of decency on Netflix anymore. I can’t lie, I worry about the future of these young kids. Back in my day we had quality television, like Family Matters and Full House. What do they have now, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry? Ughz, don’t make me barf!!!
And just when I thought I was out of the woods, my wife gets me sick again with the flu! Can’t a guy catch a break here??? At this rate, I’ll be lucky if I make it out of the winter alive!!!
To try to get my mind off things we all took a trip to the place called Napflio in a part of Greece they call the Peloponnese. They have this old castle there that if you want to get there, you have to walk up 999 steps! I guess they figured bad guys would really have to be determined to come, because I don’t know about you, but if I had to walk up 999 steps, I’d think twice about conquering a castle and pick one a little lower to the ground.
And that’s only half way up!
Well, those 999 steps gave me time to think about life and contemplate my misery over the Packers. And all in all, I was rewarded with a decent enough view of the place. And one thing I could appreciate was you could actually find a parking space around here, a true commodity in a place like Athens, or even DC!
Napflio… not the worst place in the world. I suppose I could come back for a vist.
In better news, last month, I practiced my patriotism by attending my very first Marine Corps Ball, and I can’t lie, it wasn’t too shabby!
Sure, there were some who complained that it wasn’t as good as the year before, but since I didn’t go the year before, I had a heck of a time! Anything I can do to support those who serve our country! And every now and then, I clean up pretty nicely. It’s like what you used to say to Rich back in the day, “You know the difference between you and me? It’s that I make this look good!”
I mean, just check out those shoes!
Other than that, we’re just getting back into the groove of things from the Christmas break. And who knows what 2023 will bring. Possibly some good news for the city of Philadelphia? Now, I gotta admit, part of me was hoping that the Giants would pull an upset last week, and was even tempted to jump on the Brock Purdy bandwagon, but once I saw that our good friend Jenn was donning some Eagles gear on her Instagram, well, I guess now they aren’t so bad. So, for this week, and possibly this week only, fly Eagles fly.
And now that we’re talking about football, have you checked on our buddy Rich lately? Oh boy, he must be in complete agony after his Cowboys blew it! I mean, what were they thinking? A play with no offensive linemen? C’mon Man!
All that said, you better check on him to make sure he’s doing ok, maybe bake him a nice fruit cake and send over some thoughts and prayers. I bet he misses you guys, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. And if you tell him I said anything, I’ll deny it emphatically, but I guess I miss him a little bit as well.
Well, don’t be shy. Make sure you update me on all the juicy gossip back in the office! Our buddy Rich used to spill all the dirty details, and I just got to know all the smack talk between you, Tara and Marquetta, so don’t leave me hangin’!
Oh, and PS, finally made my way up to the Parthenon! Also not too shabby. Give credit where credit is due, those Greeks built things to last back in the day!
March 12th, 2023– So the Secretary of State came into town. Big whoop!!
Mr. Mike,
Or is it Magic Mike? I seem to recall that’s the name you preferred, at least that’s what Tara told me back in the day. Either way, I think it fits you pretty well!
But first things first. My condolences to your Eagles. Believe it or not, but I was rootin’ for you guys. And that last play where they called holding and gave the Chiefs a first down? Bull crap if you ask me! Jalen Hurts got shafted, big time! But we can only lament for so long. The truth of the matter is, our country needs us, whether it’s supporting the Navy or the Embassy’s around the world, football gonna have to take a back seat.
Well, February was an eventful month over here in Greece, and this time, I have a pretty decent excuse for my lack of updates. First off, we had some Secretary of a State come into town. Blinkin’s the name. Which state, I don’t know, they wouldn’t say, but holy guacamole did it get everybody all excited. They were all running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, cleaning things up, setting up events and trying to get bands and dancers and whatever, putting this dude into a fancy hotel, plugging up traffic, it’s like, give me a break already! So, he comes in, gives a few speeches, cuts a ribbon, and then books it out of town. And I’m thinkin’ “is that it?” Apparently, it was, and I hate to say it, but the guy was kind of boring if you ask me. The speech he gave us was pretty much a snoozefest, and the answers to his questions… Lame!!! But what do I know? I’m not a Secretary of any State, at least not yet.
Sorry bud! The embassy looks nice, but as for you, I’m not impressed!
Thankfully, people have settled down a little bit, but next time he comes into town, I may have to give him a piece of my mind. “Hey buddy, what’s the big idea, making me do all this extra work? I got places to go, people to see, and updates to write!”
But on a cooler note, guess who else came into town?
It was our buddy the George H.W. Bush! And yours truly was hand selected to go on a visit! I felt bad for some of the Greeks since they wanted to go, but when my name was drawn out of the hat, I guess it was just meant to be. So, I made sure to get a couple good pics for everybody. Brought back some good memories of hangin’ with my pals back in the office. But dangit was it cold! I was just thinkin’, “Man George, did you really have to pick the coldest, rainiest day of the year to come to Greece?” In the end, it was a good trip, and I was able to pick up some goodies along the way. So maybe the next person who comes to visit me in Greece may just have a ship coin waiting for them (wink wink).
And don’t worry, I picked up some souvenirs for all the guys back at the office from the ship store, heheh.
There was also this place called Monemvasia. They say it’s the most romantic place in Greece, and I would agree with that statement, especially for a guy like you, in case you want to impress the wife someday. But when you have a two-year-old who’s constantly on the go, it’s more like as the Greeks say, “Den Nomizo Taki,” or “I don’t think so son!” Every step there’s a sharp ledge to bust your head on, a drop off with stairs to fall down, cliffs that fall into the ocean, obtuse stones to trip and fall on—basically one giant death trap! I think I left that place with more grey hairs on my head than Rich! Thankfully, we survived the ordeal, and in the process, I was at least able to get a few cool pictures to share.
And guess what was on the way back to Athens? That’s right, the place I’ve been waiting to see ever since I saw that great documentary called 300, where the Sparta soldiers beat up all the Persians until they are betrayed by the funny looking guy Ephialtes. Boy was I excited! “What could such a place hold for a guy like me?” I could only imagine the spectacles I’d see. A bunch of buff dudes with there shirts off walking around? Spartan helmets everywhere? Monuments to the great Spartan Soldiers? And finally, I’d get to see the mother of all travel destinations! The pit where King Leonidas famously kicked the Persian Messenger into! I felt like I was going to Disneyland for the very first time!
Mike, I gotta tell ya, the last time I felt this much disappointment was back in 1997 when Hollywood Hulk Hogan joined the New World Order. The place was absolutely dead. No shops with Spartan helmets, no tours of the ruins, no buff guys walking around, nothing but this one statue. That was it! The archeological site was a joke, the people seemed like they were too proud to care, it was just a boring old town in the middle of Greece! If I was running that place, I’d pretty much have an amusement park or something, making it the number one destination in Greece! No wonder they don’t talk a lot about this place anymore.
Ancient Sparta? You’re looking at it. Big whoop!Big ol’ YawnerMy wife was so mad, that she even tried kicking me down a well!
Oh, and the guy at the gas station was a big jerk too, or as we say in Greece, a “Malaka,” of which I can’t translate here, for the term is too dirty.
I got a one decent picture I suppose, but man, I don’t know how a man recovers after such a monumental letdown…
One way I can maybe get my mojo back is that it looks like I’ll be heading back out to the States finally. My friend is getting married in St. Louis, so I’m popping into town to see that go down. It’ll be my first time back in about a year and a half, so I’ll have to see how the place has changed. One thing I’m not too excited about is all the higher prices people keep telling me about. I’ll let you know if I have any money left after I get back. Until next time, stay safe and frosty, and don’t forget to pass this note along to our buddy Rich. I can only imagine he’s living his best life right now, probably on a yacht or out on the beaches in the Bahamas, soakin’ in retirement. Hopefully he hasn’t forgotten about all of us, but if you have his email, let me know, and maybe I’ll send him a note or two.
The Trials and Tribulations of a Grizzly Chadams 