I’ve been up since around 3 or 4 AM this morning. My little girl has been up since around 4 in the morning, and who can blame her? She’s probably just as jet lagged as I am! So, I took her out walking around early in the morning, and it hit me. I can no longer say Kalimera to you, for returned home a few days ago.
I know it’s home, and the US will always be my home, but these Greeks, they were good to me. And let me tell ya, Rich, I’m already missing the heck out of them, and for a while, I just won’t be my regular self.
These guys I worked with… Let’s just say I’d bet you get along with em’ just fine, sort of like how we get along with our buddy Mike. Because no matter how much of a dingus he can be, by golly, he’s still family, and we still love em’! And that’s the same with these guys as well. They were family to me, and I loved them as if they were my brothers and sisters. I just hope I get to see them all again, whether it’s this life or the next.
I put together a little slideshow of the memories I had in Greece. You’ve probably seen most of them, but it’s a good summary of my time here. Just looking at it and listening to the music brings a tear to my eye.
Rich, I’m not one to get sentimental, but I’m not one to lie either, and the truth is, I’m going to miss this place. The people, the functional madness that somehow keeps things running, the beauty of the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, the white and blue buildings on every Greek island, Taking my son to the cafe on a Saturday Morning for some spanakopita, A cappuccinos and lattes for $2.50–Rich, let me tell ya, I went to Starbucks this morning for a latte… over 6 dollars and 50 cents! I couldn’t believe it! And the service was terrible too! I walked in, and they didn’t serve me for almost 5 minutes–let alone acknowledge I was even there! Last time I go there–See, I haven’t even been here a full day and I’m already worked up!
I suppose the moral of the story is, we have it pretty good in the States and like you, I’m darn proud to be an American, but at the same time, I can really learn to appreciate different cultures, especially ones like Greece. After all, they did influence a lot of what became of western society, so we have a lot to thank them for. And if you ask any Greek, they’ll swear that every word in the English language comes from Greek words (and that’s the honest truth, not just a joke from the Big Fat Greek Wedding movie)!
We’re home for about a month or so, and then it’s off to our next adventure, South Korea. So far, I hear good things, and it’ll be great for the kids. Dennis Rodman raves about the North, but from what I hear, it’s hard to get in. Apparently, it’s so good, that most people don’t ever leave, but you know me, I’m not really into those types of crowds who think there better than everybody, so if Mr. Kim Jong Un wants to be exclusive, then so be it. I’ll take my money where I’m welcome.
I got one last token of appreciation for my Greek travels coming your way. I know how much of a coin collector you are, so I have this one coming your way. I know it’s not Navy, but the Marines aren’t so bad, and if you serve the country in uniform, then you’re alright with me.
So, although our Greek adventures have concluded, we have some new adventures just around the corner. Korea will be different, and it surely won’t be Greece, but I think it will be good, and I’m looking forward to sharing the stories with you.
So until next time, as the Greek’s say, “Kalispera kai kali vrathia!”
And of course, I can’t end this without a clip from one of the all time most famous Greeks, Zorba!
Oh, and when you do make it out there, Rich, make sure they teach you how to dance…
Very respectfully,
Zack
PS: If you enjoyed reading the story of our Greek Adventures, please consider checking out a copy of my book “The Significance of a Birthday”. It also makes a great birthday gift, not just for children, but for people of all ages!
July 8th, 2024 – Malakas and the Cave of the Apocalypse
Kalimera, Rich!
I hope you had a good Independence Day. You know the deal over here about the 4th. It’s not that they hate it, but just don’t understand the significance of it all like we do. So, instead of trying to fight it, I took matters into my own hands and headed to this place called Patmos.
Now, most people like our buddy Mike would go, “another Greek island, big whoop!” Especially since you have to sail your way there. The trip was like 8 hours long!
Got into town at like 2 in the morning!
But let’s just say that I’m glad you’re much wiser than our Eagles obsessed friend of ours, because you know just as well as I do that Patmos ain’t just any normal island. It’s the place where St. John saw the apocalypse and wrote all about it in the book of Revelation! You know, the battle of Armageddon, the white horse? The red horse. The black horse… THE PALE HORSE!!!
No joke, I went to that place and stood in the cave where it all went down! And I would’ve taken some pictures for your sake, but the priests at the church there told people not to. Is it a sacred place of which pictures would adulterate its holiness? I’d say so. Were people breaking the rules and taking pictures anyway? No doubt about it. But all’s I know is, when an Orthodox Priest asks you to do something, I ain’t gonna argue with him, especially in the eyes of God. When it comes time for final judgement, that’s one less thing I have to answer to, so you bet your sweet tush I was on my best behavior!
Story has it that after they killed off all the other disciples from the bible, they tried to take out St. John by boiling him in a big pot of oil. But guess what? It didn’t’ work! I’m not sure if he even got hurt! So instead, they exiled him to this place, only for him to write about the end of the world. But take a look at the views! I hope the jerks who tried boiling him alive felt like a bunch of suckers after it all, cause that’s what they are! Rich, I don’t care how terrible you are, I would never imagine boiling somebody in oil, not even the worst Eagles fan in the world!
They also had a monastery up there, and boy, did I feel at peace up there, just like when I went to Meteora. Now this was the vacation I was looking for! A little time to soak in the atmosphere, enjoy a beer or two, and just… relax.
It was almost the perfect short trip, until I ran into a couple of malakas on the ride back home. I walk into my sleeping cabin on the ferry and pulled down my bed only for this guys to get his panties in a twist and confront me with a stern, “BRO!” I just stared at this turkey and his friend, who thought their muscles were bigger than their brains. “Like, really? You’re mad about me coming into a room that I paid for? Why didn’t you get your own room ya dingus!” After a short conversation, he acquiesced, and I crawled up into my bed. But Rich, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. I don’t know what’s with these kids these days. It’s like nobody ever taught them how to show a little respect! He’s just lucky you weren’t there, cause if that guy talked to you the way he talked to me, his bottom would’ve been beaten cherry red! Luckily I made it home safe and sound without any further issues.
August 16th, 2024 – What’s the Deal with Wildfires?!
Kalimera Rich!
First off, sorry for taking so long to get back to you with a proper update. I thought taking care of one child was hard enough, but man oh man, now that I have two, it’s a hand full! And let me tell ya, you ain’t foolin’ this one. She means business.
Now, I know I have a bias, but I think there’s a good argument that this is the cutest little girl in Greece!
And don’t forget about my other dude. He’s still into that Thomas the Tank Engine, but now he’s also got his eyes on tractors, bulldozers, excavators, and the likes! That’s alright for a guy like me. Better he’s into those than princesses and ponies and stuff.
And for the most part, he plays pretty well with his little sister, although there are times he doesn’t quite understand his strength and is a little rough with her, of which I can completely relate. I remember all’s I wanted to do was practice some wrestling moves I learned on the TV on my little sister, and two powerbombs and a suplex later, she was screaming bloody murder all the way to my mom and getting me grounded for it! I’m tellin’ ya Rich, us guys don’t have it easy, but I suppose it’s just the burden we bear… the price we pay as part of growing up… for becoming men.
Second, and most important, thanks for checkin’ in on us with regards to these dang ol’ wildfires going around. The good news is that we’re all safe now and things have subsided for the moment, but boy did it get a little scary there for a minutes. Just check out this picture!
That’s right outside one of our embassy houses, which wasn’t even one of the ones that got a mandatory evacuation order! One of the houses was just a street away from getting completely burnt down! Luckily for the family, the fire couldn’t quite get over the road, so the house was spared.
But get this, when our safety coordinator went over the next day to survey the damage, there was this 90-year-old broad out there with her watering house still fighting the thing off! Apparently, she didn’t get the memo, and let me tell ya, by the way he described it, she had some thoughts on these fires, and she wasn’t gonna let anybody tell her to leave her house (if you ask me, it sounds like a certain Eagles fan we know…)! I guess when you’re 90, you reserve the right to do what you want, even if it is standing your ground against a wildfire. And who knows? Maybe she’s the reason why the place didn’t get torched after all?!?!
As you can see, they got some dry grass and underbrush over here which doesn’t help anything, but worse than that, you have all these hooligans running around, smoking their cigarettes and being careless. And get this, some of em’ even start the fires on purpose! This generation, Rich… I don’t know what’s going to with them. I’m starting to think it was partly our fault for not spanking their bottoms black and blue when we had the chance…
Only one month left before we head home. Let’s just hope we can make it back without any more drama…
September 3rd, 2024– The Corinth Canal
Alright, we had to get one last Greek vacation in before we depart. And what else were we going to do? The movers came by and took most of our stuff away, so we ain’t got nothing in the house.
So, we decided to go to the beach again.
And on the way back, we stopped by this place called Corinth, where they have this thing called the Corinth Canal. And I can’t lie Rich, there’s not a lot that impresses me these days. But this… this was impressive!
Get this, they even built this back in like the bible days, where all the technology was ancient and stuff! You gotta hand it to the Greeks, or at least the Corinthians, they were ahead of their time. And you know, speaking of the bible, I think there’s a book called Corinthians in it. I sort of wonder if they’re related, but it’s probably just a coincidence…
Anyways, the little dude liked it, and get this, they had these people doing bungie jumping in the middle of it as well! Now I’m sure as a young sailor, you would’ve done something like this to impress the ladies, but thank God I don’t need to do any more impressing, because those guys are crazy! I’ll leave the thrills of bungie jumping to you. I’m going to pass on this one.
Well, I have to go to this place called France next week for a wedding. And just between you and me, I have a bad feeling about it. I don’t quite remember where it was said, but I hear that:
A: the French are A-holes and…
B: that French babes don’t shave their pits!
Not good. Anyways, pray for me and wish me luck, cause I’m gonna need it if I’m going to survive!
Well Rich, it turns out that vacations aren’t quite the same when you have 2 kids…
I know what you’re thinkin’. “Wow, that’s a nice picture!” Well, let me tell ya, it was a miracle we were able to get that one, because we just got back from this place called Rhodes and I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation! That trip wore me out! I mean, when you go on vacation, you’re supposed to be sitting on the beach, drinking a few beers, hanging out by the pool, eating a bunch of fancy food, and all in all relaxing the days away. I even tried to make it easy by staying at a resort near the water for a couple of nights, and well, apparently, that was too much to ask. No kidding, for the entire time I was there, it was like I was doing everything I could to prevent the little ones from getting us kicked off the island! And finally, after all the screaming and running around and one is finally ready for a nap, it’s the other’s turn to wreak chaos. Geez Louis! I seriously could not catch a break!
The one and only picture I could take before all hell broke loose!
Oh, and to make matters even worse, the night before, I accidently ate some bad lamb and ended up doing some barfing all night! I knew I should’ve listened to Niko about ordering lamb from a restaurant on Easter…
And that’s another thing. Last year, we made a big hoopla about Orthodox Easter. But since we were flying out on a vacation the next day, we settled for the Easter bunny this year.
Anyways, remember how I told you how much the Greeks hate the Turks? Well, apparently back then, it was even worse, because the big deal with this place was since it’s so close to Turkey, they built a giant castle on the edge of the island so they could shoot at them and fight them off whenever they came by. And well, I suppose it was a pretty good castle, because it’s still standing today. And actually, if the kiddos were behaving for a minute or so, I could actually enjoy the place a little bit. I mean, they had shops inside, restaurants, museums, and all sorts of other medieval stuff. Even a few places to get a beer or two. And you know me, Rich. I’m not the fanciest guy in the world, but I’m not a barbarian either, so if it came down to it, given the right conditions, I could spend a few more nights in a place like this.
Oh, and here’s some smarty pants talking all about the island.
Oh, and when I was reading up on the place, there was also supposed to be this giant statue called the Colossus where this dude stood on each side of the bay and all the ships that came in had to go under him. Apparently, it was so big, that they considered it a “wonder of the ancient world.”
But, when we got there, he was nowhere to be seen, and when I asked around, the word was it fell down a couple thousand years ago or so, which in the end, I think I’m alright with.
Not that it wasn’t impressive and all, but can you imagine having back in your navy days pulling into port and having to go under some guy’s dirty crotch? What kind of sick mind devised such a thing? And what if you had kids on the boat? You’re telling me they were forced to be exposed to that? Den Nomizo Taki!
Good riddance, Statue of Colossus. I for one am glad you were toppled years ago. And now that I think about it, if I was a Turk and had to go under that thing, I’d be pretty pissed off at the Greeks too!
Sheesh.
June 23rd, 2024 – The Hot Hot Heat Calls For Hot Sausage!
Kalimera, Rich!
I guess today is officially the first day of summer, but if you were over here, you’d swear it’d been summer for the last few months now! Holy moly did it get cookin’! So much that we just had to get out of town for a little bit. And this time, I’m glad we did!
Now Rich, you know I won’t be here forever, so if you come and I’m not here, you gotta meet this guy Niko. Not only is he my best bud over here, but he is a grill master. Just take a look at him on the bbq! It’s not every day you come across a rock star like that!
He invited us to his villa in this place called Agio that’s on the coast of the Gulf of Corinth. Not only did he make us lambchops, which is my favorite over here, but and he had this sausage… You know me, Rich. I’ve been to many a sausage fest in my life and tasted all different kinds. But his… I don’t think I can remember a better tasting sausage if I’m honest with you. It was just so flavorful and juicy… I mean, it was like a party in my mouth! I’m tellin’ ya, you gotta try it. So, when you head over, give me a heads up and I’ll get you in touch with Niko so you can taste his sausage. You won’t regret it.
The kids will have some fun too!
And I’ll tell ya, we were lucky to have it as well! That day they had record temperatures in the Peloponnese along with several wildfire alerts, which happened to be the day that these two hunks decided to go to grace the beach with their presence. Coincidence? I think not!!!
We also made it down to Kalamata, and I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, isn’t that where those olives I buy at Costco are from?” And the answer to your question is, yes. But if I told you we went down for the olives, I’d be lying. Sure, they’re great and all, but a three-year-old could care less about some slimy olives. All he wants is trains. Train, trains, trains.
So, we went to the biggest train park in Greece, on the hottest weekend of the year. I’m glad he was having a good time, because I was struggling! I think I went through about 3 or 4 coke zeros and Schweppes sodas just to get through the afternoon!
Though you can complain about the heat, you can’t complain about the views. This was our dinner that night. I don’t care what Mike says. You can’t beat this!
January 24th, 2024 – New Year’s Eve? More like New Year’s Bust!!!
Rich, it drives me nuts, but every year, people make this big deal about New Years, and every year, it just lets me down. And to nobody’s surprise, this year was no different.
Here in Athens, instead of doing a ball drop, they have fireworks that go off over the Acropolis, and it’s supposed to be a big deal. You know me, I don’t get all the hoopla, but the wife really wanted to see it, so I agreed to go, and let me tell ya, worst decision we’ve made since we’ve been here.
We got a hotel next to this place called Monastiraki Square, which in the day time, it’s crowded, but manageable as long as you don’t have to drive through it.
A quick tour of the square in case you care to see what it looks like.
But on New Years, it was just a bunch of hooligans running around and raising hell! They were playing loud music all night, lighting off firecrackers, climbing on things, getting the police agitated, and frankly, I think most of them probably had too much to drink, especially for how young they were. So all we could do was just stay in our hotel room and wait it out, thanks to these turds!
This was the crap we were dealing with!
Man was I miserable or what. The kids didn’t appreciate it either, for they had had enough of it long before I did. Boy oh boy was that little one cranky. Why, I think it was way past midnight before any of us got to sleep. Good grief!
And the worst part, we waited all night, and when it was time for the New Year, we couldn’t even see the fireworks. It turns out we were on the wrong side of the Acropolis! All that waiting for nothin’.
Oh, and to put a cherry on top, we all ended up getting this thing called RSV. And because my daughter was so little, she had to go to the hospital for a few days! I mean, first COVID, now this!!! I should’ve known better.
The good news is that since the year started off so bad, we could only go up from here, which we managed to recover enough to throw a birthday party for my son. It was at this place called Gymboree, and he and his friends had a blast. Got him to run around for a few hours, which meant after he was done, he got a nice nap, and as a parent yourself, you can never complain about that! He had a nice little cake to eat too.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of him, but he likes this guy named “Thomas the Tank Engine,” and let me tell ya, him and his friends are crazy. Always crashing into things, always causing confusion and delay. Luckily, nobody gets hurt in the show, but he can’t get enough of it! He’s singing the songs, getting all the trains, and why, he even knows all their names by heart! I can’t lie, he’s starting to impress me a little bit.
Oh, and my Packers surprised me with a playoff win as well! Man did they put up a whoopin’ on the Cowboys! You should’ve seen it Rich, I mean, they straight up embarrassed them! Man, do I feel sorry for all the Cowboys fans out there…
Err, I mean. My condolences Rich, for your Cowboys. Look, to me, it’s almost as if I didn’t even want to win the game, and if it were up to me, we’d be playing the Eagles so we could both be rejoicing and sulking in Mike’s misery. I guess it’s just a cruel world we live in, pitting good friends against each other. And as much as your hurting right now, I may be feeling your pain in a few days when we play the 49ers. I have hope but man, they’re always giving us a hard time!
All in all, it’s been a tough year so far for both of us, and ain’t that the truth! It’s always build up, build up, build up. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Then, New Years hits and bam, it one big let down. I suppose it has a purpose though, for one of em’ has to be the bearer of bad news in the group. Well, we have a few more months of winter left ahead of us, so plenty of time to hunker down and recover until the Spring is here. And I for one, can’t wait.
Until then, take care of yourself, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t let the turkeys (or in your case, the Eagles) get you down.
December 6th, 2023– What’s with all the Olive Oil???
It was a relatively calm Sunday morning, at least as calm as it can be for a wife in labor. For the most part, there was a lot of waiting. And waiting. And… “Hey doc, it’s around lunch time. Do you think I have time to grab a bite to eat?”
“Oh yea, the baby probably won’t be here for at least a few more hours, so go ahead and run up to the cafeteria.”
“Ok, great,” I think to myself, as any normal man would having just been permitted to eat food. I make my way up there, and as I’m causally strolling through the café with a pizza-like pastry in my hand, “because why not? We have a couple hours to kill, so it’s not like I’m stressed. But wait, what’s this?” As I’m about to pay, my phone rings. It’s the doctor. “…Hello?”
“Hi Zack, the pregnancy is moving a bit faster than we originally thought, so no need to rush, but as soon as you finish your food, go ahead and come back down to the ward.”
“Sure, no problem. Again, not going to stress, just going to finish this pizza snack and head back down. I mean, you heard the guy, right? No need to rush. So no, I’m not going to—”
Not even a minute passed, and the doctor is standing in front of me. “Zack, the baby’s coming! We gotta go!” Apparently, things were changing at an exponential rate! Or the doctor’s wife, who also was serving as the midwife, had a word or two with him and made him act accordingly. But long story short, I scarfed my pizza down, ran to the ward, put my scrubs on, and got ready for prime time.
We’re working through the process, but 2:30 rolls around and my wife is in need of some extra motivation. “So, Zack says he’s going to buy you a new purse if the baby is delivered by 3:00,” the doctor says to my wife.
“Wait a minute… purse? Who said anything about a—”
“What kind of purse?” she asks.
“A Coach purse!” I quickly blurt.
“Did you say Channel?”
“No, I said Coach, A—”
“Oh my gosh, Channel, I can’t believe it!”
“No, not Channel, NO—hey, what’s with the olive oil? Why are you pouring it—JUST HOLD ON A SEC—”
So, at approximately 2:58 PM on October 22nd, our daughter Teigan Hazel was born.
It wasn’t long before she was in my arms and I was doing my best to welcome her into the world. “You know who she looks like,” asked the doctor’s wife as I rocked her back and forth.
Suddenly, my heart stopped, and a cloud of anxiety grew heavy over my mind. “Oh no, please don’t say Rich… please don’t say Rich…”
“She looks like her father!”
“Phew!” Talk about a huge relief!” And Mike, I think she was right. I mean, I know my little dude’s a good lookin’ guy, but her. I can’t even!
And you know, at first when I discovered I was having a girl, I was a little worried, especially with all the bad boys in the world. But after seeing her face, I gotta say, I think I’m going to be all right. Just promise me that if anything happens or if I’m in need of a pinch, that you and Uncle Rich will be there to look after her! I mean, I am a little worried about her spending too much time with Rich, and God forbid, becoming a Cowboys fan. That would be one grumpy baby! But dang it, there aren’t that many men I trust in the world anymore, and if it came down to it, I know I could count on him!
But Mike, let me tell ya, she already knows! I think she’s asleep and ready for bed… nope! She wants to be in daddy’s arms. And I try to sit down for a short while… nope! She wants to be standing! She’s barely just a girl, but acting like a woman who knows what she wants and won’t settle for anything less! Pray for me!
And don’t worry, we’re still getting the little guy some love! Just last week, he got all dressed up for the embassy Halloween party! I think he came out pretty well too. Even snagged a picture with the ambassador and the second in command! Not bad for a 2 year old!
The holidays have been keeping us busy, trying to keep up with the little ones and all. Took a nice little trip to this place called Kalavryta, which I guess is where people go to ski in Greece, except you wouldn’t know it from the looks of the place. I mean, we’re getting to December and where’s all the snow?! At least the farm we stayed at was nice.
Oh, and our little one is starting to figure who this Santa guy is and what he brings to the table, so we’re trying to get him in the spirit a little early this year. They set up a Christmas village right after Thanksgiving, and well, all I can say is the Greeks don’t shy away from chaos! Regardless of the stress we went through, we had a great time.
And speaking of Santa… you guys remember what happened last year. I can’t lie, I’m getting a little nervous. I mean, there’s not many who can do the job like it’s supposed to and… well, I don’t want to spoil the mood for anybody, for we should be rejoicing!
So don’t be shy! For all his faults, our good buddy Rich would send me lots of updates. And I don’t want to say you’re slacking or anything, but you are Magic Mike after all, so I know you can make it happen!
There’s always something… I don’t know why. I mean, look at me? Am I the type of person that causes a lot of drama? I don’t think so. But apparently, the people in our lives just like to stir the pot, whether it’s Russia and Ukraine, or Rich talking trash about your Eagles. It’s unavoidable.
Take my buddy Kostas for example. I get back from about a month or so of training back in the States. It was a nice trip and I got to spend some quality time back home. And being that I had a little per diem, ok, so I went out to eat a few times and indulged in some of my favorite dishes. And conveniently enough, there was a McDonalds right down the street from my hotel, so sue me, I had a couple quarter pounders when I was back home. Big deal!
Anyways, I step in the office on my first day back, and Kostas has the gall to question me about my weight. And you’d think somebody would have the decency to address the topic in a sensitive way, especially in our day and age. But nooooooooooo, not Kostas. There was not subtleness to his approach. He looked at me, threw his hands up in the air, shot me a look of disgust and said, “Dude, what’s the matter with you? You’re fat!!”
Let me tell ya Mike, these Greeks, I love em’ to death, but they don’t beat around the bush.
So, now I’m running a little more and trying to watch what I eat, thanks to the father of all taki boys, Kostas. And despite the barrage of insults I’m receiving over my body, I at least have one thing going in my favor.
Wait… what’s this in front of my house???
Every Friday outside my house, we have a farmer’s market, or as they call, a “Laiki”. And I’m not going to lie to you Mike, it’s pretty awesome. I step out of my house and I can get any kind of fruit or vegetable I want. Onions, potatoes, lettuce, eggs, strawberries, peaches, apples, oranges, you name it, they have it! Oh, and they even have an olive guy who will sell me a kilo of Kalamata olives for around 5 or 6 bucks. Imagine coming home with a kilo of olives from Whole Foods… talk about a king’s ransom! Not here though. Walk down the street with 20 euros in your pocket you’re literally treated as one!
But as good as they treat me, I’m nothing compared to the little man. Mike, I’m tellin’ ya, he pretty much gets the celebrity treatment every time we walk out the door. The women are always giving him blessings, and the younger ones are blowing him kisses and waving to him, and anything he wants, he gets! A banana here, a cucumber there, and the broccoli guy’s always hooking us up with a couple extra carrots or a head of cabbage. And the potato guy… well, he got a little too weird and too touchy for our liking, so we don’t go around him any longer. But the rest of them, they’re all right.
We got to take another trip to the island Paros recently too… before I got, as the Greeks and Kostas would say, “Lipos.” I mean, it was a nice getaway and all, but a lot of the islands are starting to look the same. Which hey, I’m not complaining, as long as they have restaurants like these on them!
I’ll take a weekend on a Greek island any day, especially if it gives me a respite from the humiliation I receive from Kostas!
-Zack
August 5th, 2023 – The Gerald Ford Comes to Town
Magic Mike,
I know, it’s been a while since I’ve given you a life update, and you’re probably thinking, “man oh man, that Zack guy finally forgot about us…” Well, that’s far from the truth, for it turns out, I’ve been pretty busy these last couple of months, with trips, trainings, and visits. Speaking of visits, guess who made a stop into Greece…
That’s right, the ol’ Gerald Ford came in. So of course I had to pay my respects.
I can’t lie, it felt pretty cool rolling up there with my colleagues all enamored by such a beautiful war machine. While I got to sit back and be all, “yea, I worked on that thing.” But in all seriousness, that was quite the sight to see knowing all the blood sweat and tears that went into getting this thing deployed. And this was maybe the best part!
That’s right, that’s the system I worked on! Unfortunately, they wouldn’t turn it on for me. “But this was my baby! C’mon, you can trust me…” but the good people of the CVN 78 politely ushered me along, and I couldn’t help but respect the courtesy and attitude. I made sure to get me a ship coin or two, and I was even able to get my hands on the Chief’s Mess coin as well. However, that one I gave to a former chief who works at the embassy. He didn’t have the chance to get to visit, so it was the least I could do.
Just makin’ sure no funny business is going on…
And although that’s some pretty good news, I have something that even tops that. Check this out!
Looks like we’re going to have another little Zack running around in the next couple of months! And this time, it’s a girl! I’ll tell ya Mike, I’m excited for her, but now it’s got me thinking, with all those good looking cats in the world, you know, the smooth talkers like Rich in his younger days that all the ladies go crazy over, I’m a little worried. I’m gonna have to start doing some more pushups and getting rid of this dad-bod I have, cause there ain’t no way I’m going let any of those turkey’s near my daughter unless they’re a straight-up good citizen of the world. I’m talking they better know the bible front to back, clean cut, no tattoos, and when they go out, they better bring her back home by 8 PM by the latest, because if it’s a second later, oh boy, it’s game over! It’ll be a trip to Uncle Rich’s for a good ol’ Cowboy’s butt whippin!
Speaking of our friend Rich, he sent me some pictures of the 05V baseball outing where the Nats took on the Rockies! It was nice seeing him reunited with the good folks of NAVSEA, but something wasn’t quite right however. When I looked at the pictures, a few people were missing. “…wait, where’s Mike?” I said to myself. “And Tara? Not even Marquetta was there to see him???” Mike, I know you probably see me as a nag, but you know how sensitive Rich is. And seeing him there without his best buds by his side, he must’ve been heartbroken, for you sure as heck know I was. I’ll tell you what, though. I think if you go over to his house and offer him a hug, that’ll patch things right up. And if you want to make it a slam dunk, you should bake him an apple pie. Now that I think of it, it also wouldn’t hurt to bring him over a fruit basket, complimented with a nice wine. I’m thinking a Chardonnay for the summer season. Oh, and you’ve got hook him up with some of that prime rib they have at Harris Teeter. Boy, oh boy, that hits the spot! And a baked ziti??? Talk about icing on the cake! Ohhh, cake, don’t forget that. Carrot or red velvet, but I’d stay away from the cheesecake, you know, for the calories. And while you’re at the store, a little bit of roast beef wouldn’t hurt. Probably a pound/pound and a half would suffice. Of course, don’t forget the chips, a nice tub of Fage Greek Yogurt, and some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese… you know, for the grandkids! Throw in a few pastries and a couple Pilsners to share between two friends, and I think you’ll be alright. And now that I think of it, I heard they have one of those really nice Nacho Cheese dispensing machines at Costco. You bring him one of those along with the above, and you guys would have a party. If he doesn’t forgive you after that, then I don’t know what will…
Just don’t forget, we’re all counting on you. Rich is counting on you, so no pressure or anything, but don’t let us down!
Well, as always, please send the good folk back in the office my very best, and let them know I miss them. And don’t be shy about updates from your side either! It’s always good to hear from you. Until next time, Ya Sas, Opa, and Go Pack Go!!!
I can hear it now. “Now that Rich is gone, I won’t ever have to put up with that Zack guy ever again! Thank you Lord!”
Well, not so fast, heheh. I’m here to stay, at least for a little while longer, and now, the torch has been passed on! You’re the man now!
We went to this place called Mykonos for the wife’s birthday almost two weekends ago, and boy was it expensive! 5 bucks for a bottle of water at the restaurant! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!?!” Picking a restaurant felt like we were playing Russian Roulette, and if you picked the wrong one, boy oh boy were you going to pay the price!
BUT… there’s always a diamond in the rough, and I found just the store. I knew I had struck gold when a bottle of Mountain Dew was only a dollar. And believe me, Mountain Dew over here is like finding caviar back home. You just don’t go to a store and find yourself Mountain Dew. In fact, you’re lucky if you can get it on the black market! So believe me, I got my fill and then some, and I certainly showed my appreciation to the cashier. “You guys have been so good to me… Yes, I’m really enjoying the island. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s my wife’s birthday today! Oh, thank you. You know I have to treat her well. Say, do you have any champagne…? You do? That’s great! Let me get a bottle for her. She deserves the very best. Which one do you recommend? The Moet Rose? Sure, let’s try it out. Nothing is off limits on this day… WHAT THE??? 87 DOLLARS????!!!!!
Mike, I’ll tell ya, I really stepped in it this time. I couldn’t take it back at this point. Heck, I’d look like such a cheapskate! And what would Rich think if he ever found out? You know I wouldn’t hear the end of it from him! So, I bit the bullet and got her an 87 dollar bottle of champagne on top of her manicure, pedicure, and deep massage day. The things we do for our wives… I just hope the good Lord remembers all those good deeds in the end.
It was a beautiful island though, but too many youngsters for an old fart like me. All these girls were walking around with their cellphones in the air, trying to take these things called, “selfies” for that Instagram app. Mike, let me tell ya, they were everywhere! Even the mom’s were doing it! It was ridiculous! And many of them were hardly wearing any clothes at all! It’s like I can’t take my son anywhere around this place!
I’m surprised I even got these few pics with all the naughtiness going on around us!
Regardless of the depths these kids went to remove all forms of decency, I didn’t let that get in the way of taking some good pics, but not of me though! You know I’m not into that garbage! Well, maybe I do a little, but I strictly do it for my fans, and that’s it! And just between you and me, I was able to snap a few pics of pics of the little guy, and I’m not even braggin’ when I say I got one good-looking boy! Look out for him on the cover of GQ someday! And don’t worry, I’m going to make sure he grows up with good values, so you don’t have to worry about him being around the grandchildren or anything. He’s a heartthrob, and he may break some hearts, but never on purpose!
Well, in other news, it sounds like my free time just became non-existent, for now, I’m officially an employee at the US Embassy in Athens, Greece! Not too bad for a dingus like me! That being said, I got a lot of work to do, but don’t worry, I’ll still find ways to keep you updated on my adventures. But wouldn’t you know, it, my first week on the job, and I’m already sick! Bad timing if you ask me, and you know me. Any other time, I’d power right through it, but ever since this COVID thing, I ain’t coming around, even if it is only a mild cold! No way am I going to be that guy on my first week! But hopefully, it passes quickly and I can get back on track.
Until then, you know the drill. Tell everybody I say hi, and feel free to pass this along to our old friend Rich. I’m sure he misses us just as much as Jerry Jones misses all that money he gave Dak Prescott just to watch him get hurt again
And whatever you do, don’t let the turkey’s get you down!
November 1st, 2022 – Meteora
Mikey, I just had to email you about this last place I was at. Man oh man was it awesome!
They call it Meteora, because there’s a bunch of tall rocks and when it’s cloudy, it sort of looks like meteors up there, but get this. Back in the day when the Ottoman Empire was in charge, there was a bunch of Christian Monks who dug themselves little caves to hide from them. Why, because apparently, the Turks were a bunch of jerks, that’s why! So they would stay in these caves for like days and weeks, and I think there were a few people in the town that felt sorry for them, so they would send them bread and water and all that.
Well, eventually, a few of them got together and decided to build some monasteries up on the rocks, and who could blame them? Living in a monastery with other people and beds beats living in a cave any day! How they did it? Beats me, but in the end, they built like seven of them.
So the years go back, and people are like, “Meteor-a-what? Big whoop!” But then, James Bond goes there in one of his movies, and boom, the place is popping again!
And I gotta say, the place did not disappoint! It’s no wonder Bond went there! I haven’t felt this much at peace since the last time I had a McRib in my mouth, which has been awhile now since they don’t sell McRibs in Greece. And boy, that was in 2020… Who knows when the next time I’ll be able to taste one of those is?
I mean, I could talk about it, how it’s nice and quiet and they all have nice kept garden areas, and then there’s the views! I suppose you better just see for yourself!
My mom and pop even came along for the trip!
The only downside is that you’d have to go without seeing babes for a while, which, for a guy like Rich, would be a tough lifestyle to acclimate to. But babes or no babes, getting to hang out up there in peace and everything doesn’t seem like a bad gig if you ask me. And just for my short time, there, I’m already in a better mood this week! So good, that I had a few jokes to crack about some of the guys back there, but in the interest of the monks of Meteora, I’m going to refrain! That’s how good I feel!
I gotta say, so far, I think this could actually be one of my favorite places over here!
At least that’s what they say over here in Greece. It’s supposed to mean good morning or good day or something, but I can’t understand anything that anybody says over here! It’s like they’re speaking in Ancient Greek or something!
That being said, we made it over here safe and sound and we’re starting to get all settled in, but it wasn’t easy. We barely made our flight out of DC, and I was running with three bags in my hand just to make sure we caught our flight out of here. Let me tell ya, Dulles can be a madhouse, and some of those TSA agents can be a real pain in the keister. And geez, it seemed like I was running for miles after I finally got passed those guys! I don’t know why they had to make that airport so dang big! Thankfully, it sounds like the good lord had an angel guiding us, cause I don’t know how we would’ve made it without one of those. And double thankful that we didn’t have to ride on one of those weird looking transport buses. You know, the ones that look like the imperial walkers from Star Wars? That would’ve been a nightmare!
And speaking of angels, that baby boy of mine was so good on the flight. Slept most of the way, and didn’t even cry except for a few brief moments, which nobody can fault him for. You would’ve been proud of him, except for the part when we were landing… then there was trouble…
We were giving him some milk, you know, to help with the pressure and his ears. He almost got it all the way down, but then catastrophe struck. Rich, that boy barfed the entire bottle of milk back up, and that stuff went everywhere! All over the seat, my pants, the blankets, my wife… Everywhere! Talk about a disaster trying to clean it all up. But he made up for it when we went through customs. That seems to be the trick around here, just have a baby in your hands. “Oh, you have a baby? Go right ahead, don’t worry about your COVID papers. Your passport? Ah, just keep them in your pocket. I trust ya with that little guy. Go ahead, skip to the front of the line…” Ok, ok so I may have been exaggerating a little bit, because they’re still a little nuts about the COVID stuff here, but you get the idea.
Besides trying to get my sleep schedule on track, everything has been going pretty well, and we’re starting to settle in. And between you and me, they set us up real good. Our place is huge! I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all this space, so if you’re ever feeling adventurous, stop on by and see me.
I got lots of work still to do before everything is good and dandy, for we still haven’t even gotten all our stuff yet! But we got a few years to take care of that, so I’m not too worried. Hopefully I’ll have some pictures to share on my next update, and I still need to go out to the Acropolis sometime. I hear that place is pretty spiffy. Hope things are going well back in the homeland. Say hi to all the folks for me, and keep a lookout for ol’ Mike. You know how much I worry about him.
October 6th, 2021– Cliff? What Cliff?
Kalimera Rich!
Thought I’d give you guys another life update as well as the long-awaited pictures you had asked for. And I would’ve emailed last week, but I felt as though it would be appropriate for those who needed time to grieve. I mean, did you see that thwomping the Cowboys gave the Eagles? Holy cow, our good buddy Mike must’ve been a mess! One day, he’s shouting “fly Eagles fly!” The next, he’s on he’s banging his fists on his desk, crying, “why Eagles why?” I sure hope he’s doing ok, and I certainly think enough time has passed, but you never know.
We still haven’t received our car, so I haven’t been able to make my visit to the Acropolis yet, but my wife had a work dinner down there recently and got some nice pics. Hopefully I’ll get myself some pics too in the near future. But man, for all the talk about crumbling infrastructure, the Greeks could do some upgrades themselves!
Acropolis During the DaytimeAcropolis at Night
Thankfully, the Infrastructure at our house still looks pretty sound. Just check out this place! You know me, I only accept the highest standards for me and my family.
Ok, ok, so that’s not our real house. That’s actually the ambassador of South Africa’s residence. But one can always dream, right? Our place looks a little more modest, but you know me. I’m a pretty modest guy myself and eternally grateful for the gifts the good Lord has provided me. Just give me the basics: shelter, food, beer, and I’m a happy man!
Speaking of food, I think I already found the best restaurant in Greece. I’m tellin’ ya, if you ever come to visit, you gotta try this place. It’s amazing! And the prices aren’t too bad either. Some of the burgers are the best I’ve had since I got here, almost as good as some of the ones you get in the States!
Running can be a dangerous endeavor in Greece, for people drive like they’re mad, and they’re holes all over the place! But you know me, that can’t stop a guy like me from venturing out and exploring. I guess I’m just that type of guy! And judging by the views, I’d say it’s worth it! (it turns out, I was able to get my shot of the Acropolis after all…)
Check out the View!The Olympic Stadium
The other day, however, I woke up early to get a run in before the wife went to work. Feeling adventurous and confident in my navigational abilities, I decided to take a trail up the side of the mountain. Immersed in the beauty of the land, I ran through the Greek landscape guided by the spirits of the ancient philosophers Socrates and Plato and propelled by the strength and courage of the great warrior Pheidippides at Marathon, knowing they would show me the way back to my house with ease and… and…
Uh Ohh…
“Oh. Crap.” I said to myself, looking down upon the cliff in front of me. I was stuck on top of this mountain, without a clear path home. The wife would be awake any minute now, wondering where on Earth I could be. At this point I had two options in front of me. Retrace my steps and attempt to find the way back home, which would almost certainly result in me being late and a severe tongue lashing from my wife, or risk death by traversing down the cliff where I could clearly see the road and the path back home. Forced to think quickly on my feet and using the skills I learned in back at the Navy Yard assessing risk, I asked myself, “what would Rich do in a situation like this?” Suddenly, the answer was as clear as day. Thus, I proceeded the death-defying climb down the cliff.
“Hi hun, how are you?” I asked my wife as I walked in the door, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And seeing that she had just woken up a few minutes prior, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
“Good, how was your… run?” I didn’t like the way she said that last word, nor the way she was staring at me. You know the feeling as well I do. Your wife senses something’s wrong, and all of a sudden, here comes a flood of questions. And let me tell ya, I could see punishment coming from a mile away.
“Why is your body covered in dirt? Oh my gosh, look at all those scrapes all over your arms! and why is your shirt ripped? Did you fall? Where did you run? You know I told you not to run on those trails in the morning! And look at all those bruises on your legs? Did you fall or something–“
“No, I didn’t fall off a cliff!… I mean, cliff? What cliff? I don’t even know what you’re talking about! Why would I have fallen off a cliff? I’m not stup–look, I gotta get in the shower so I can take care of the baby and you can get ready for work. I don’t have time for 20 questions, so let’s just table this for now.
“But Zack–“
“No more questions!”
Rich, let me tell ya, it’s only by the grace of God that I survived that without any further admonishment. I gotta say though, I was sore for a week! But I’ll be back on the trail soon enough. Maybe there’s even a trail up to the Acropolis. And believe me, I’ll have all the pictures. You can take that to the bank!
Keep up the good work. Thank you for your service, and you’ll be hearing from me soon enough.
November 12th, 2021– What a mess!!!
Kalimera Rich!
I hope you had a good Veteran’s Day. It’s always good to take some time to reflect on those who served, but why am I telling you that? You are a Veteran for gosh sakes! You know all about serving and reflection, so in that light, thank you for your service and bravery!
Speaking of bravery, it must feel good to be a Braves fan these days. Good to see they finally got a World Series (better them than the Astros!).
There’s some good, some bad, and some ugly since the last time we spoke. And I suppose it’s probably best to get the bad out of the way first. Last time, you mentioned how I needed to fix up my yard a little bit. You think it was bad then, well now look what they did to it!!!
They dug a big hole in it! There was some sewage stuff going on in the basement, and boy did it stink for the people downstairs. So even though it’s not ideal, I’d rather have a hole in my yard than a smelly basement that’ll bring back horror stories of a late night pit stop at a gas station bathroom (no need for any additional details). I guess it’s as good of time as any to warn you in case you make your way out here that they don’t let you flush your toilet paper. Yeesh! it’s been a bit rough, but if I’m being honest with you, I brake the rules a little bit… but only for the first wipe or two! Gotta get the messy stuff out of the way, and I’m pretty conservative with my toilet paper square usage, so it’s not like I’m stuffing rolls down at a time. Although the strategy can lead to other messes and residue landing outside the squares, but no need for too many details. You’re a smart guy, so I think you get the idea.
Now for some good news. We finally got our house stuff shipped to us from the states. However, it was a pain in the keister to get it all unpacked and put away. Just check out this picture of what it looked like after the movers unpacked everything.
Talk about an anathema! I’m sure you’ve had to clean up messes similar to that when you were in the Navy. It took about a week or two, but we finally were able to get somewhat organized. Although we still have some work to do, it’s at least manageable.
Now if they can just hurry up with our car! We’re just dying to do some sightseeing!
Now for the ugly…
My baby boy is getting pretty big these days. My wife had to go back to the States to attend a wedding, so it was just the boys hanging out for the weekend. And I don’t want to brag or anything, but me and that little boy of mine make a pretty good team.
In fact, I even got him to start eating all by himself! Still trying to work on him using a spoon/fork, but at least he can use his fingers.
The other day though, we had a little bit of a crisis. It was early in the morning, he was still fast asleep. I snuck out of the room and decided to get a little workout in while I still had time, for these days, I’m hard pressed for it. I mean, who knew babies took up that much time??? But anyway, I found a quick window and proceeded to exercise. Tough workout, but I was feeling great, and still no sign of him waking anytime soon. “Well now, I guess I have some time for a quick shower,” I thought to myself. It was risky, but you know me… it was a risk I was willing to take.
After a nice warm shower, I dry off, get dressed, and proceed to check on the little guy. I heard him making some giggles, but no crying, no whining, nothing. “Boy, how did I get blessed with such a good boy?” I asked myself. I snuck in, ready to say good morning, for it truly was a good morning, the start to a perfect day…
I turned the corner to the crib. Rich, I’m not kidding you, there was poop everywhere. The crib, the sheets, his clothes, his feet, any place you could conceive, it was there. It was like he dropped a giant diaper bomb right in the middle of the crib! What a mess! The thing was, I wasn’t even that mad. I was more overwhelmed, and quite frankly, impressed by what my boy was capable of! However, the rest of the day consisted of baths and lots of cleaning. Not the most fun day of being a dad, but if he could do that and the tender age of 9 months, just imagine what he can do when he’s older. Look out world!
Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of the incident, so you’ll have to just use your imagination as to how the incident looked, but I think my description did a pretty decent job.
Oh, one more thing. I saw this shirt in the touristy part of town, and thought you’d get a kick out of it, since you’re kind of an old school guy. Just don’t mind the shirt below it (I edited it out a little bit, for it had some naughty words in there.
December 23rd, 2021– Christmas Edition
Merry Christmas Rich! Or as the Greek’s say it, “Kala Christoyena!”
I hope the holiday cheer is ringing true back at the office this year. My wife’s mother is here, and my family is supposed to make it over here sometime around the Holidays as well, so it should be a pretty decent Christmas, as long as they can get through the airports with all the COVID crap. Holy Bologna what a mess! At this point, I’m ready to find a doc and say, “just give me this dang ol’ thing and let’s get this over with!”
I guess if there’s a silver lining out of all this, with the delta and now with the omicron, it’s that we’re all becoming well acquainted with the Greek alphabet.
Thankfully, the Greek’s do a decent job as far as decorating and getting in the spirit. It’s not quite like it is back in the States, but I’d say it’s pretty satisfactory, especially for being in another country. It was just too bad they didn’t really do much for Thanksgiving, but at least they let my wife off for that.
We’re doing our best in getting into the Christmas spirit, but that little boy of mine has been pretty resistant. At first glance, you think you’re looking at a cute little elf on the shelf…
Then out of nowhere, he turns into a grouch on the couch!
You’d think he’d be happy about his first Christmas, but no way. Man, he’s been cranky these days. He’s been cryin’ and screamin’, and pooping up a storm! Rich, you wouldn’t believe the devastation he’s capable of making. I kid you not, I fear for my life every time I have to open up his diaper for a change…
In all fairness, he could be going through a growth spurt and getting some teeth, which may explain all the fussiness these days. Can you believe that guy will be 1 at the end of the month? I think he’s growing up too fast if you ask me, but luckily I’ve been able to savor most of it, at least the parts where he isn’t having a Code Red Nuclear Meltdown (and I’m sure you’ve experienced some of those once or twice with your kids).
One good thing about Grandma being here is that the wife and I finally got a date night out here, and boy did we pick a nice place.
Rich, let me tell ya, this place was fancy! So fancy, that our friend Marquetta would’ve walked in and said, “Oh boy, what a fancy place!” And you know that’s impressive, because she was always telling me about all the best places to take my wife on dates back in DC. The best part was, that it was half the price you would pay at one of those upscale/uptight dinner places back in the states. You know, the ones where everyone acts all snotty with pinky-sized portions for the main course? Heck, now that I think of it, it was probably even a third or a quarter of what you’d pay in some places! It’s like a piece of toast with some avocado on it costs you like 10 bucks nowadays. It’s ridiculous! Avocado on toast… Rich, sometimes, I wonder what the world is coming to…
But not this place. And believe me, they didn’t skimp on the portions like those other places either. You wouldn’t believe how much food they gave you. There was soup, pita bread, cornbread, house salad, lentil salad, eggplant salad, pepper pate, spinach pie, and that was all well before a full serving of steak and potatoes. Heck, I was already full before the steak came, but there was no way I was passing up on a nice steak. And on top of that, they gave us 3 different desserts! Rich, I’m not kidding, by the end of the night, I felt like the guy from that Monty Python movie who eats the thin mint at the restaurant and explodes. I was that full. But it was well worth it.
I hope things are going good back home, and I hope our buddy Mike is doing all right. That’s wild about what happened with his neighbors, but knowing him, he probably set all those kids straight and put a whoopin’ on them, just like his Eagles put a whoopin’ on the Team formerly known as the Washington Redskins.
Oh, and some good news. We finally got our car here! The bad news is that we have to wait a few more weeks before we get to drive and, because they have to do all sorts of processing. I’m just like, “throw me a freakin’ bone here people! I just want to get out of town and explore the country a little bit!”
Anyway, that’s about all for now. Don’t forget to share the update with folks, and tell everybody back there I wish them a very Merry Christmas and that I miss all of em’!
Until then, take care, and keep those guys out of trouble!
The Trials and Tribulations of a Grizzly Chadams 