There’s always something… I don’t know why. I mean, look at me? Am I the type of person that causes a lot of drama? I don’t think so. But apparently, the people in our lives just like to stir the pot, whether it’s Russia and Ukraine, or Rich talking trash about your Eagles. It’s unavoidable.
Take my buddy Kostas for example. I get back from about a month or so of training back in the States. It was a nice trip and I got to spend some quality time back home. And being that I had a little per diem, ok, so I went out to eat a few times and indulged in some of my favorite dishes. And conveniently enough, there was a McDonalds right down the street from my hotel, so sue me, I had a couple quarter pounders when I was back home. Big deal!
Anyways, I step in the office on my first day back, and Kostas has the gall to question me about my weight. And you’d think somebody would have the decency to address the topic in a sensitive way, especially in our day and age. But nooooooooooo, not Kostas. There was not subtleness to his approach. He looked at me, threw his hands up in the air, shot me a look of disgust and said, “Dude, what’s the matter with you? You’re fat!!”
Let me tell ya Mike, these Greeks, I love em’ to death, but they don’t beat around the bush.
So, now I’m running a little more and trying to watch what I eat, thanks to the father of all taki boys, Kostas. And despite the barrage of insults I’m receiving over my body, I at least have one thing going in my favor.
Wait… what’s this in front of my house???
Every Friday outside my house, we have a farmer’s market, or as they call, a “Laiki”. And I’m not going to lie to you Mike, it’s pretty awesome. I step out of my house and I can get any kind of fruit or vegetable I want. Onions, potatoes, lettuce, eggs, strawberries, peaches, apples, oranges, you name it, they have it! Oh, and they even have an olive guy who will sell me a kilo of Kalamata olives for around 5 or 6 bucks. Imagine coming home with a kilo of olives from Whole Foods… talk about a king’s ransom! Not here though. Walk down the street with 20 euros in your pocket you’re literally treated as one!
But as good as they treat me, I’m nothing compared to the little man. Mike, I’m tellin’ ya, he pretty much gets the celebrity treatment every time we walk out the door. The women are always giving him blessings, and the younger ones are blowing him kisses and waving to him, and anything he wants, he gets! A banana here, a cucumber there, and the broccoli guy’s always hooking us up with a couple extra carrots or a head of cabbage. And the potato guy… well, he got a little too weird and too touchy for our liking, so we don’t go around him any longer. But the rest of them, they’re all right.
We got to take another trip to the island Paros recently too… before I got, as the Greeks and Kostas would say, “Lipos.” I mean, it was a nice getaway and all, but a lot of the islands are starting to look the same. Which hey, I’m not complaining, as long as they have restaurants like these on them!
I’ll take a weekend on a Greek island any day, especially if it gives me a respite from the humiliation I receive from Kostas!
-Zack
August 5th, 2023 – The Gerald Ford Comes to Town
Magic Mike,
I know, it’s been a while since I’ve given you a life update, and you’re probably thinking, “man oh man, that Zack guy finally forgot about us…” Well, that’s far from the truth, for it turns out, I’ve been pretty busy these last couple of months, with trips, trainings, and visits. Speaking of visits, guess who made a stop into Greece…
That’s right, the ol’ Gerald Ford came in. So of course I had to pay my respects.
I can’t lie, it felt pretty cool rolling up there with my colleagues all enamored by such a beautiful war machine. While I got to sit back and be all, “yea, I worked on that thing.” But in all seriousness, that was quite the sight to see knowing all the blood sweat and tears that went into getting this thing deployed. And this was maybe the best part!
That’s right, that’s the system I worked on! Unfortunately, they wouldn’t turn it on for me. “But this was my baby! C’mon, you can trust me…” but the good people of the CVN 78 politely ushered me along, and I couldn’t help but respect the courtesy and attitude. I made sure to get me a ship coin or two, and I was even able to get my hands on the Chief’s Mess coin as well. However, that one I gave to a former chief who works at the embassy. He didn’t have the chance to get to visit, so it was the least I could do.
Just makin’ sure no funny business is going on…
And although that’s some pretty good news, I have something that even tops that. Check this out!
Looks like we’re going to have another little Zack running around in the next couple of months! And this time, it’s a girl! I’ll tell ya Mike, I’m excited for her, but now it’s got me thinking, with all those good looking cats in the world, you know, the smooth talkers like Rich in his younger days that all the ladies go crazy over, I’m a little worried. I’m gonna have to start doing some more pushups and getting rid of this dad-bod I have, cause there ain’t no way I’m going let any of those turkey’s near my daughter unless they’re a straight-up good citizen of the world. I’m talking they better know the bible front to back, clean cut, no tattoos, and when they go out, they better bring her back home by 8 PM by the latest, because if it’s a second later, oh boy, it’s game over! It’ll be a trip to Uncle Rich’s for a good ol’ Cowboy’s butt whippin!
Speaking of our friend Rich, he sent me some pictures of the 05V baseball outing where the Nats took on the Rockies! It was nice seeing him reunited with the good folks of NAVSEA, but something wasn’t quite right however. When I looked at the pictures, a few people were missing. “…wait, where’s Mike?” I said to myself. “And Tara? Not even Marquetta was there to see him???” Mike, I know you probably see me as a nag, but you know how sensitive Rich is. And seeing him there without his best buds by his side, he must’ve been heartbroken, for you sure as heck know I was. I’ll tell you what, though. I think if you go over to his house and offer him a hug, that’ll patch things right up. And if you want to make it a slam dunk, you should bake him an apple pie. Now that I think of it, it also wouldn’t hurt to bring him over a fruit basket, complimented with a nice wine. I’m thinking a Chardonnay for the summer season. Oh, and you’ve got hook him up with some of that prime rib they have at Harris Teeter. Boy, oh boy, that hits the spot! And a baked ziti??? Talk about icing on the cake! Ohhh, cake, don’t forget that. Carrot or red velvet, but I’d stay away from the cheesecake, you know, for the calories. And while you’re at the store, a little bit of roast beef wouldn’t hurt. Probably a pound/pound and a half would suffice. Of course, don’t forget the chips, a nice tub of Fage Greek Yogurt, and some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese… you know, for the grandkids! Throw in a few pastries and a couple Pilsners to share between two friends, and I think you’ll be alright. And now that I think of it, I heard they have one of those really nice Nacho Cheese dispensing machines at Costco. You bring him one of those along with the above, and you guys would have a party. If he doesn’t forgive you after that, then I don’t know what will…
Just don’t forget, we’re all counting on you. Rich is counting on you, so no pressure or anything, but don’t let us down!
Well, as always, please send the good folk back in the office my very best, and let them know I miss them. And don’t be shy about updates from your side either! It’s always good to hear from you. Until next time, Ya Sas, Opa, and Go Pack Go!!!
Kalimera Magic Mike, or appropriately, Kalo Pascha, which means, “Happy Easter.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Zack, what are you talking about? Easter was like 2 weeks ago. Get with the program!” And if you were here in Greece, I would say to you, “My fellow Greeks, forgive him, for he knows not what he does!!!”
Don’t worry, because this isn’t the first time this has happened, and even our highly esteemed buddy Rich would’ve been confused. And personally, I don’t know what’s going on. Something to do with a different calendar and the moon or something, so it’s usually a week off so they say. BUT… that doesn’t mean they don’t take their easter seriously. Mikey, you gotta know, Easter here… it ain’t no joke! They go all out, even going as far as churches shooting rockets at each other!
It’s almost like you have Eagles fans, who are pretty serious, but then you have Cowboys fans who take it to a whole other level, or in some cases it’s like, “What’s the matter with you guys?!” I guess the only difference is, with Easter, it’ll eventually pay off when the good Lord returns, unlike the Cowboys who will perpetually be doomed to pain and misery as long as Jerry’s still around.
First off, people go on a fast for a week, and as pretty much an honorary Greek, I did the same. That means, no meat, no oil, no dairy products, nothing! Squid and shellfish… well, that’s ok, and thankfully Mcdonalds had me covered for most of the week with their McShrimp.
Not quite a McRib, but my options are limited during a fast…
But Hershey’s chocolate, ice cream, spanakopita, souvlaki, aka, all the good stuff… sorry, no can do. The hardcore ones, you know, the bishops, priests, and other big timers, they’ll do it for 40 days straight! Now, you know me, I love the Lord and all, but I’m just not there yet. Maybe next year, but as for now, one week is about all I can handle.
Friday rolls around, and at first, you think it’s going to be a decent day, because everybody gets it off. But around 7:00 at night, things start to get a little gloomy. People start gathering to their local church, and the crowd keeps growing a growing. Now, I’m not Greek Orthodox, but I go in to pay my respects, do the whole cross thing, give the relics a quick smooch, and go up to the front. The priests are speaking in these incantations and stuff and I think telling the story about how Jesus died on the cross, at least I think since they’re all speaking in Greek for some reason. I go up there and see what looks like this giant bed frame entirely covered in flowers all with these other trinkets and icons around it, like it’s somebody’s casket, except this somebody’s a pretty big deal. I didn’t exactly know what was going on, but I just did what everybody else did so I wouldn’t look like a freakin’ idiot inside the church, which was bow their head, give the sign of the cross, bend down and give the icon a kiss, and then moved along my way. Turns out, I made it out of there with my dignity still intact.
Oh, and if you want, you can pay a euro or so and light at the entrance of the church too, just get on the Big Man’s good side.
10:00 rolls around, and the whole place is packed now, both inside the church and in the parking lot. Thank God they’re a little relaxed on fire code regulations this time of year. The priests come out, one carrying a giant cross and the others carrying the casket thing that I paid my respects too about an hour or two before, and their followed immediately by a marching band.
They start a funeral procession throughout the neighborhood with the band playing a gloomy song, and everybody follows them. And when I mean everybody, I mean everybody!
The streets are packed, and the entire neighborhood is out, and everyone has brown candles in their hands. So, I followed, with a candle of my own. You know how they say, “When in Rome?” Well, when in Greece, you better not mess around like a taki boy!
Saturday rolls around, and still people seem to be down in the dumps a little. Partly because Christ hasn’t risen from the grave yet, but I think too because on Saturday, you’re supposed to go hardcore with your fast and you’re not even allowed to cook with olive oil or anything, which can make a man grumpy, because frankly, at this point, we’re all ready to eat some real food again! But until Sunday, it’s still pretty much boiled vegetables, pita bread, and a few other things, so no McShrimp for me!
Things are looking brighter as it gets closer to midnight, for the masses are back in full swing at the church waiting for the clock to strike 12.
This time, we all have white candles, and as soon as the church bells start ringing, the candles are lit, and fireworks are going off, people are hooting and hollering, and we’re all feeling good again. Well, as for me and the wife, we didn’t exactly appreciate all the loud noises since it was past the little guy’s birthday, but we were happy the Christ finally rose from the grave. And I for one, was happy that I could eat again!
I got home, candle in hand, and mark the cross on the top of my front door, which is what everybody does when they get home (I think it’s like you get protection or your house gets a blessing from the Lord, but don’t quote me on that). There are even people who drive home with the candle, but lucky for us the church was close enough that we didn’t have to.
Now, tradition has it, that at midnight, you’re supposed to go home and have this soup made with the intestines of lamb or something to prepare your body for the big feast the next day, since you just ended your fast. But me, that sounded a bit disgusting. I mean, really? The first meal I get to eat after a fast is going to be lamb guts? I don’t think so. And besides, I’m no sissy! I don’t need some gross soup to prepare my body! I just went in the fridge and got a few snacks, just a small reward for finishing it. You know, just a few things, like a block of blue cheese, pack of salami, some chocolate, a pork gyro my wife bought the day before, chicken, chips with dip, olives and olive oil, some more cheese, and a beer or two. And man, for some reason, I went to bed with a little bit of a stomachache. I don’t know, maybe the gyro was bad.
Easter morning rolls around, and there’s no trace of that little turd of a bunny running around. Instead, the women are up early, spending all day in the house cooking and preparing food while the men sit outside and roast a lamb on a spit. According to my friend Niko, it’s a very hands-on process, where one guy turns the lamb, another who tends the coals on the fire pit, and the others have to stand around with beers in their hands telling them what they’re doing wrong. It sounds like a tough job, but it’s tradition, so if you ever go to Greece for Easter and the wife complains, just remind her that it’s very important to keep with tradition and it would be insulting to break from it, especially the beer part.
A couple of Malakas grilling up some lamb back in the day
So, after the guys cook the lamb and the women cook everything else, it’s time to feast. You pretty much eat the rest of the day. And the best part is, everybody gets Monday off as well, so you can recover from eating so much. And one of the things they make is this sweet bread with these eggs on it. The wife didn’t do such a bad job this year either!
Then you take the eggs and have egg battles with it. I’m not quite sure how you’re supposed to the battles, because I kept winning, but my wife said I was cheating or doing it wrong or something, so apparently, I didn’t win after all…
Apparently, these guys show you how to do it…
All in all, not a bad gig if I say so myself. I wouldn’t mind doing Easter the Greek way a few more times. We didn’t have enough room for the fire pit, so I had to cook my lamb in the oven. Didn’t turn out as well as I would’ve liked, but I can always try again next year! At least we got some good pictures of the family.
So please, on my behalf, wish everybody back in the office a Happy Easter, or as they say over here, Kalo Pascha and Christo Anesti!
January 26th, 2023 – Poor performances from the Packers? And Santa too??? Can’t get much lower than this…
Mr. Mike,
It’s been a little while since I’ve written. I wish I could say it’s because I’m just so busy now that I have a new job and everything. I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I have the keep the entire Embassy of the United States up and running, and believe me, that’s no joke! If things start to fall apart, my butt’s on the line, and that’s no fun, I don’t care who you are!
But in actuality, it’s a different story. Mike, it’s hard not to be depressed these days.
First off, we had Christmas. Now, this wasn’t a terrible Christmas by any means. And actually, all things considered, it was pretty good. My wife’s mom came to visit and she made a Red Velvet Baby Jesus Cake, I cooked my very own roast beast, and we all came out all right with presents. But Santa, man did he let us down this year…
We had an embassy Christmas party, which was decent enough you could say. My son built his own gingerbread house, and sad to say, I don’t think he’ll be following in the engineering footsteps of his old man. By the looks of it, demolition is in his future.
But when it came to Santa, man, this guy just wasn’t up for the task. He was boring as can be. Barely made a splash of an entrance, barely talked to the kids, and didn’t even ask my son what he wanted for Christmas! I mean, c’mon man! What’s the deal? You’re Santa for gosh sakes! Get with the program!
And I get that people are a little more cautious with kids these days, not wanting to get too close at all, but this guy acted like he was allergic to em’! I mean, he wouldn’t go near the kids! Mike, I’m telling ya, where’s our buddy Rich when we need him? Now that’s a man you can count on to be Santa. We’ve seen him in action at the Nats games. He could deliver.
I just don’t know what we’re going to do for next year. This is the US Embassy for cryin’ out loud, and we gotta set the example for the rest of the world, and alls I know is, if we can’t get Santa right, then I’m afraid… I’m just saying, somebody’s got to step up to the plate! And if I can’t get Rich out here, then… well, I don’t want to even go there right now, but let’s just say, if I have to take matters into my own hands… never mind, I’ll cross that bridge next year IF it comes down to the wire.
Now, I wish I could say that was the worst of my problems, but sadly, I can’t lie to a man like you, Mike. The truth is you see, this team I really like rooting for called the Packers just wasn’t having the year I thought they would. I mean, they lost to this team that used to be called the Redskins, and believe me, that’s not an easy pill to swallow. People have become self-masochists after something like that! Now, there was hope when they beat the Cowboys, a team that our former colleague Rich used to gleam over, but after they lost to another team called the Eagles, I just couldn’t take it anymore… I cried out to God, “Is there any humanity left in this world?!?!”
But wait… what is this? A glimmer of hope? May they actually claw their way back to the playoffs? I mean, its destiny, right? Everything was working in their favor. All they needed to do was win at home against this team called the Lions then everything will be ok! Surely they can beat them, because, who can’t beat the Detroit Lions for Denny’s sake?
Well, guess what, they lost to the bleeping Lions. And now here I am, back at square one, forced to re-enter this world, my mind wiser, but my heart… colder.
And to put a cherry on top of that, I finally happened. I never thought the day would come, but after 2 years and 8 months of invincibility, I caught the gosh dern COVID. And let me tell ya, what an annoying way to get sick! You’re always tired! You can’t do anything, and these days, you’re lucky to find anything of decency on Netflix anymore. I can’t lie, I worry about the future of these young kids. Back in my day we had quality television, like Family Matters and Full House. What do they have now, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry? Ughz, don’t make me barf!!!
And just when I thought I was out of the woods, my wife gets me sick again with the flu! Can’t a guy catch a break here??? At this rate, I’ll be lucky if I make it out of the winter alive!!!
To try to get my mind off things we all took a trip to the place called Napflio in a part of Greece they call the Peloponnese. They have this old castle there that if you want to get there, you have to walk up 999 steps! I guess they figured bad guys would really have to be determined to come, because I don’t know about you, but if I had to walk up 999 steps, I’d think twice about conquering a castle and pick one a little lower to the ground.
And that’s only half way up!
Well, those 999 steps gave me time to think about life and contemplate my misery over the Packers. And all in all, I was rewarded with a decent enough view of the place. And one thing I could appreciate was you could actually find a parking space around here, a true commodity in a place like Athens, or even DC!
Napflio… not the worst place in the world. I suppose I could come back for a vist.
In better news, last month, I practiced my patriotism by attending my very first Marine Corps Ball, and I can’t lie, it wasn’t too shabby!
Sure, there were some who complained that it wasn’t as good as the year before, but since I didn’t go the year before, I had a heck of a time! Anything I can do to support those who serve our country! And every now and then, I clean up pretty nicely. It’s like what you used to say to Rich back in the day, “You know the difference between you and me? It’s that I make this look good!”
I mean, just check out those shoes!
Other than that, we’re just getting back into the groove of things from the Christmas break. And who knows what 2023 will bring. Possibly some good news for the city of Philadelphia? Now, I gotta admit, part of me was hoping that the Giants would pull an upset last week, and was even tempted to jump on the Brock Purdy bandwagon, but once I saw that our good friend Jenn was donning some Eagles gear on her Instagram, well, I guess now they aren’t so bad. So, for this week, and possibly this week only, fly Eagles fly.
And now that we’re talking about football, have you checked on our buddy Rich lately? Oh boy, he must be in complete agony after his Cowboys blew it! I mean, what were they thinking? A play with no offensive linemen? C’mon Man!
All that said, you better check on him to make sure he’s doing ok, maybe bake him a nice fruit cake and send over some thoughts and prayers. I bet he misses you guys, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. And if you tell him I said anything, I’ll deny it emphatically, but I guess I miss him a little bit as well.
Well, don’t be shy. Make sure you update me on all the juicy gossip back in the office! Our buddy Rich used to spill all the dirty details, and I just got to know all the smack talk between you, Tara and Marquetta, so don’t leave me hangin’!
Oh, and PS, finally made my way up to the Parthenon! Also not too shabby. Give credit where credit is due, those Greeks built things to last back in the day!
March 12th, 2023– So the Secretary of State came into town. Big whoop!!
Mr. Mike,
Or is it Magic Mike? I seem to recall that’s the name you preferred, at least that’s what Tara told me back in the day. Either way, I think it fits you pretty well!
But first things first. My condolences to your Eagles. Believe it or not, but I was rootin’ for you guys. And that last play where they called holding and gave the Chiefs a first down? Bull crap if you ask me! Jalen Hurts got shafted, big time! But we can only lament for so long. The truth of the matter is, our country needs us, whether it’s supporting the Navy or the Embassy’s around the world, football gonna have to take a back seat.
Well, February was an eventful month over here in Greece, and this time, I have a pretty decent excuse for my lack of updates. First off, we had some Secretary of a State come into town. Blinkin’s the name. Which state, I don’t know, they wouldn’t say, but holy guacamole did it get everybody all excited. They were all running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, cleaning things up, setting up events and trying to get bands and dancers and whatever, putting this dude into a fancy hotel, plugging up traffic, it’s like, give me a break already! So, he comes in, gives a few speeches, cuts a ribbon, and then books it out of town. And I’m thinkin’ “is that it?” Apparently, it was, and I hate to say it, but the guy was kind of boring if you ask me. The speech he gave us was pretty much a snoozefest, and the answers to his questions… Lame!!! But what do I know? I’m not a Secretary of any State, at least not yet.
Sorry bud! The embassy looks nice, but as for you, I’m not impressed!
Thankfully, people have settled down a little bit, but next time he comes into town, I may have to give him a piece of my mind. “Hey buddy, what’s the big idea, making me do all this extra work? I got places to go, people to see, and updates to write!”
But on a cooler note, guess who else came into town?
It was our buddy the George H.W. Bush! And yours truly was hand selected to go on a visit! I felt bad for some of the Greeks since they wanted to go, but when my name was drawn out of the hat, I guess it was just meant to be. So, I made sure to get a couple good pics for everybody. Brought back some good memories of hangin’ with my pals back in the office. But dangit was it cold! I was just thinkin’, “Man George, did you really have to pick the coldest, rainiest day of the year to come to Greece?” In the end, it was a good trip, and I was able to pick up some goodies along the way. So maybe the next person who comes to visit me in Greece may just have a ship coin waiting for them (wink wink).
And don’t worry, I picked up some souvenirs for all the guys back at the office from the ship store, heheh.
There was also this place called Monemvasia. They say it’s the most romantic place in Greece, and I would agree with that statement, especially for a guy like you, in case you want to impress the wife someday. But when you have a two-year-old who’s constantly on the go, it’s more like as the Greeks say, “Den Nomizo Taki,” or “I don’t think so son!” Every step there’s a sharp ledge to bust your head on, a drop off with stairs to fall down, cliffs that fall into the ocean, obtuse stones to trip and fall on—basically one giant death trap! I think I left that place with more grey hairs on my head than Rich! Thankfully, we survived the ordeal, and in the process, I was at least able to get a few cool pictures to share.
And guess what was on the way back to Athens? That’s right, the place I’ve been waiting to see ever since I saw that great documentary called 300, where the Sparta soldiers beat up all the Persians until they are betrayed by the funny looking guy Ephialtes. Boy was I excited! “What could such a place hold for a guy like me?” I could only imagine the spectacles I’d see. A bunch of buff dudes with there shirts off walking around? Spartan helmets everywhere? Monuments to the great Spartan Soldiers? And finally, I’d get to see the mother of all travel destinations! The pit where King Leonidas famously kicked the Persian Messenger into! I felt like I was going to Disneyland for the very first time!
Mike, I gotta tell ya, the last time I felt this much disappointment was back in 1997 when Hollywood Hulk Hogan joined the New World Order. The place was absolutely dead. No shops with Spartan helmets, no tours of the ruins, no buff guys walking around, nothing but this one statue. That was it! The archeological site was a joke, the people seemed like they were too proud to care, it was just a boring old town in the middle of Greece! If I was running that place, I’d pretty much have an amusement park or something, making it the number one destination in Greece! No wonder they don’t talk a lot about this place anymore.
Ancient Sparta? You’re looking at it. Big whoop!Big ol’ YawnerMy wife was so mad, that she even tried kicking me down a well!
Oh, and the guy at the gas station was a big jerk too, or as we say in Greece, a “Malaka,” of which I can’t translate here, for the term is too dirty.
I got a one decent picture I suppose, but man, I don’t know how a man recovers after such a monumental letdown…
One way I can maybe get my mojo back is that it looks like I’ll be heading back out to the States finally. My friend is getting married in St. Louis, so I’m popping into town to see that go down. It’ll be my first time back in about a year and a half, so I’ll have to see how the place has changed. One thing I’m not too excited about is all the higher prices people keep telling me about. I’ll let you know if I have any money left after I get back. Until next time, stay safe and frosty, and don’t forget to pass this note along to our buddy Rich. I can only imagine he’s living his best life right now, probably on a yacht or out on the beaches in the Bahamas, soakin’ in retirement. Hopefully he hasn’t forgotten about all of us, but if you have his email, let me know, and maybe I’ll send him a note or two.
Man, it’s hard to believe you only have two more months! The day you leave is going to be a sad one. And if I were a betting man, I’d say there gonna be some crying faces in the office. Especially that Mike fellow. 100 bucks says he starts blubbering like a baby! “Oh, Rich, I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time about being a Cowboys fan. They’re not so bad, really! Rich… Please don’t leave me…” And then there’s Tara. She’s going to go crazy without you to keep things in check. In fact, I don’t think there’s a qualified employee in the entire government that can do the job you do of reigning all of us in day after day.
Things are going pretty good over here. I ended up getting an offer for the facilities management job over at the embassy, so I’m pretty excited about that. The only thing now is that I have to do another background investigation, which I’m not too worried about, except I hope it’s not one of those where they make you take a polygraph and ask about who you know. You know me, Rich. I can’t lie about these types of things. “YES, I admit it! I know him! I worked with Mike, and God forbid, I once even liked the guy too! Please have mercy on my soul!!!”
It may cost me a couple points here and there, but I’m not going to make the same mistake that Peter guy made in the bible when he denied Jesus three times in a row. He’s just lucky that Jesus was such a forgiving guy!
At the end of the day though, any mention of your name should put me in good graces with the investigators, so at least I have that to my advantage.
We went to the beach for the 4th of July weekend to this place called Tolo. It was beautiful over there, and the water was crystal clear, but let me tell ya, it was hotter than Max Scherzer’s arm during the World Series a few years back! And not only that, but I decided to put on my swim trunks for the first time since Covid, and boy oh boy was I in for a surprise. You know me, I used to be an exercise machine, running home from work on the daily! But according to my wife, I have one of these things called “A Dad Bod” now. Not exactly sure how it came about, but it makes me less flattering to look at now whenever I need to take my shirt off. Not sure if it’s reversable or not, but only time will tell.
Even with my new Dad Bod, I still had a good weekend relaxing at the beach. The little guy didn’t take too kindly to his first encounter with the sea, but I’ll work on him a little bit. He sure did enjoy his beach toys, however.
One thing I was a little disappointed with the Greeks about was their lack of fervor for the 4th. For some reason, it just wasn’t the same this year for some reason. No fireworks, no bbq’s, no nothin’! At least we got the day off to relax and reflect. I’ll tell ya, the older I get, the more respect I have for those founding fathers. Boy did they have guts standing up to King George the way they did. Maybe next year, the Greeks will get their act together and celebrate, but I have a feeling it’s going to be up to me to get the party started…
Give my regards to my old workmates. It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year since we moved here! But keep doing the good work you do, and keep sending those pics! Love seeing you guys enjoy the Nats.
Very Respectfully,
August 12th, 2022
Kalimera Rich,
Boy, it saddens me a little to know that this will be my last life update before you retire. Just thinking about it almost brings a tear to my eye. And I’ll tell you what, I don’t even want to HEAR IT from that Mike Cannon fellow. I can just see him giving me a hard time for days, so I’m not going to do it! At least not right now.
August is typically a pretty quiet month over here in Athens. Everybody goes on vacation, and when I say everybody, I mean everybody, so the city is pretty empty. But that’s alright with me! I can live with less traffic for a little while, except it is a bit of a nuisance when you need to go to the pharmacy or your favorite restaurant, only to find out they’re all closed for two weeks. But boy, wouldn’t it be nice if everybody decided to leave DC for a month? Think about how easy it would be to get into the office every day! Oh, and none of those stinkin’ protestors to deal with, blocking the Key Bridge, the Memorial Bridge, the 14th Street Bridge, the Woodrow Wilson Bridge, they’re always causing trouble!!!
With things quieting down, I finally got out to see a movie the other weekend, and you know I had to see the new Top Gun! A little late to the party, I know, but better late than never! That’s my motto.
The movie theatre was outdoors, and I had to wait until 10:30 to watch the movie, which was a little late for an old fart like me, but because it was the Navy, I had a duty to watch it, and my wife understood, or as they say in Greek, “katalaveno.”
The seats weren’t the greatest in the world, but the price for beer more than made up for that. Only 4 Euros for this big old thing! Stella Artois too, which hey, not my favorite, but isn’t a bad beer by any means. You’d be lucky to pay double that in DC, and when you’re talking prices at a movie theatre, forget it!
Not the fanciest seats in the world, but for the price, you can’t beat it!
Had to spend last week scrambling to get the paperwork ready for another background investigation. I do it because it’s the right thing to do, but let me tell ya, it drives me nuts! They only give you a week to complete the darn thing, and you gotta remember all the places you lived, all the countries you went to, all the schools you went to, gather all your references… and on top of that, I had to get my fingerprints taken and send them back! No kidding, I was down to the wire yesterday putting it all together! Then, I find out they want me to add an another reference for somebody who knew me at DAU, but I was like, “Geez Louis! I didn’t even go there! I took everything online!” After some research, I found out I could put down somebody I worked with during the time, and no joke Rich, I almost chose you. Hey, I’m only picking the most honorable references, and I know you wouldn’t let me down. But then I thought, “Rich is about to retire, and I’m going slap another work assignment on him right before he leaves?” I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. Luckily, our good friend Jen stepped up to the plate. Being as busy as she is, she may not be able to make it back to DC before you leave, so make sure our buddy Mike buys here some lunch on behalf of me (we know he’ll do it, because he’s a good guy after all).
Long story short, now I know how you felt whenever I screwed up on my travel orders and I came to you last minute to fix them! No wonder you chewed my butt out all those times!
The little guy’s doing good. Loves going to the park and he’s starting to climb on everything he sees, which is a little worrisome, and boy does he get mad when we try to stop him. I guess they don’t call it the terrible two’s for nothin’!
Now, it’s quite ok when we’re at the playground as you can see (of which the Greeks do alright with). But since it’s blistering hot out most of the time, we had to come up with another solution. So, we got him a play structure, thanks to Grandma. I was able to get it together with a little blood sweat and tears (and maybe a few swears here and there), but overall, I think he likes it.
That’ll keep him occupied… for about 5 minutes
Lastly, since this is your final month at the office, I just want to thank you for your service and all your help over the last several years. Ever since COVID hit, it’s been a wakeup call for me to be grateful for the blessings I’ve received in my life, and I don’t think there’s any doubt that you’ve been a blessing to all of us who’ve worked with you in the Navy Yard, past and present. And what a delight it was to see your face in the office when we finally started coming back into the yard. As the late great Ronald Reagan once famously described, you were like that shining city on the hill, and it always filled me with joy when I got to come into the office and catch up and even banter a little bit after working from home for so many months. There’s a reason the Good Lord put you in this office to work with us and to be a part of our lives, and I thank him for giving me the opportunity to know you (And great, now I AM started to get a little teary eyed. I don’t care what Mike says about it!).
The only bad part is, now I’m going to have to send updates to Mike… oh great… I just hope he’s as responsive as you are (fingers crossed).
All in all, your legacy will live on in the Navy Yard, so enjoy your retirement, Rich. It’s well deserved. Fair well, and fair seas.
I can hear it now. “Now that Rich is gone, I won’t ever have to put up with that Zack guy ever again! Thank you Lord!”
Well, not so fast, heheh. I’m here to stay, at least for a little while longer, and now, the torch has been passed on! You’re the man now!
We went to this place called Mykonos for the wife’s birthday almost two weekends ago, and boy was it expensive! 5 bucks for a bottle of water at the restaurant! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!?!” Picking a restaurant felt like we were playing Russian Roulette, and if you picked the wrong one, boy oh boy were you going to pay the price!
BUT… there’s always a diamond in the rough, and I found just the store. I knew I had struck gold when a bottle of Mountain Dew was only a dollar. And believe me, Mountain Dew over here is like finding caviar back home. You just don’t go to a store and find yourself Mountain Dew. In fact, you’re lucky if you can get it on the black market! So believe me, I got my fill and then some, and I certainly showed my appreciation to the cashier. “You guys have been so good to me… Yes, I’m really enjoying the island. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s my wife’s birthday today! Oh, thank you. You know I have to treat her well. Say, do you have any champagne…? You do? That’s great! Let me get a bottle for her. She deserves the very best. Which one do you recommend? The Moet Rose? Sure, let’s try it out. Nothing is off limits on this day… WHAT THE??? 87 DOLLARS????!!!!!
Mike, I’ll tell ya, I really stepped in it this time. I couldn’t take it back at this point. Heck, I’d look like such a cheapskate! And what would Rich think if he ever found out? You know I wouldn’t hear the end of it from him! So, I bit the bullet and got her an 87 dollar bottle of champagne on top of her manicure, pedicure, and deep massage day. The things we do for our wives… I just hope the good Lord remembers all those good deeds in the end.
It was a beautiful island though, but too many youngsters for an old fart like me. All these girls were walking around with their cellphones in the air, trying to take these things called, “selfies” for that Instagram app. Mike, let me tell ya, they were everywhere! Even the mom’s were doing it! It was ridiculous! And many of them were hardly wearing any clothes at all! It’s like I can’t take my son anywhere around this place!
I’m surprised I even got these few pics with all the naughtiness going on around us!
Regardless of the depths these kids went to remove all forms of decency, I didn’t let that get in the way of taking some good pics, but not of me though! You know I’m not into that garbage! Well, maybe I do a little, but I strictly do it for my fans, and that’s it! And just between you and me, I was able to snap a few pics of pics of the little guy, and I’m not even braggin’ when I say I got one good-looking boy! Look out for him on the cover of GQ someday! And don’t worry, I’m going to make sure he grows up with good values, so you don’t have to worry about him being around the grandchildren or anything. He’s a heartthrob, and he may break some hearts, but never on purpose!
Well, in other news, it sounds like my free time just became non-existent, for now, I’m officially an employee at the US Embassy in Athens, Greece! Not too bad for a dingus like me! That being said, I got a lot of work to do, but don’t worry, I’ll still find ways to keep you updated on my adventures. But wouldn’t you know, it, my first week on the job, and I’m already sick! Bad timing if you ask me, and you know me. Any other time, I’d power right through it, but ever since this COVID thing, I ain’t coming around, even if it is only a mild cold! No way am I going to be that guy on my first week! But hopefully, it passes quickly and I can get back on track.
Until then, you know the drill. Tell everybody I say hi, and feel free to pass this along to our old friend Rich. I’m sure he misses us just as much as Jerry Jones misses all that money he gave Dak Prescott just to watch him get hurt again
And whatever you do, don’t let the turkey’s get you down!
November 1st, 2022 – Meteora
Mikey, I just had to email you about this last place I was at. Man oh man was it awesome!
They call it Meteora, because there’s a bunch of tall rocks and when it’s cloudy, it sort of looks like meteors up there, but get this. Back in the day when the Ottoman Empire was in charge, there was a bunch of Christian Monks who dug themselves little caves to hide from them. Why, because apparently, the Turks were a bunch of jerks, that’s why! So they would stay in these caves for like days and weeks, and I think there were a few people in the town that felt sorry for them, so they would send them bread and water and all that.
Well, eventually, a few of them got together and decided to build some monasteries up on the rocks, and who could blame them? Living in a monastery with other people and beds beats living in a cave any day! How they did it? Beats me, but in the end, they built like seven of them.
So the years go back, and people are like, “Meteor-a-what? Big whoop!” But then, James Bond goes there in one of his movies, and boom, the place is popping again!
And I gotta say, the place did not disappoint! It’s no wonder Bond went there! I haven’t felt this much at peace since the last time I had a McRib in my mouth, which has been awhile now since they don’t sell McRibs in Greece. And boy, that was in 2020… Who knows when the next time I’ll be able to taste one of those is?
I mean, I could talk about it, how it’s nice and quiet and they all have nice kept garden areas, and then there’s the views! I suppose you better just see for yourself!
My mom and pop even came along for the trip!
The only downside is that you’d have to go without seeing babes for a while, which, for a guy like Rich, would be a tough lifestyle to acclimate to. But babes or no babes, getting to hang out up there in peace and everything doesn’t seem like a bad gig if you ask me. And just for my short time, there, I’m already in a better mood this week! So good, that I had a few jokes to crack about some of the guys back there, but in the interest of the monks of Meteora, I’m going to refrain! That’s how good I feel!
I gotta say, so far, I think this could actually be one of my favorite places over here!
April 19th, 2022 – The Most Beautiful Place on Earth (According to a Smokeshow)
Kalimera Rich! I hope you had a happy Easter. Turns out, the Greek Orthodox Church schedules Easter differently, so I we’ll be celebrating Easter next weekend, I suppose. And really, the whole thing has thrown me off a bit! I’m going to have to do my homework for next year so we can celebrate the right way. One thing’s for sure, is that before all this is over, I’ll make sure you’re prepared when you decide to celebrate Greek Orthodox Easter.
We finally made it out to one of the Greek islands, and let me tell ya Rich, it was awesome! A much needed break from Athens, which is often dense, dirty, and full of traffic. We went to a place called Hydra, where there are no cars. And don’t make the mistake that I did and call it by what I think it should be called. It’s actually pronounced, “Idra,” and well, the locals weren’t shy about giving me a hard time about it!
From what my wife tells me, the actress Sophia Loren said it was the most beautiful place she’d ever been to on Earth. I don’t know that much about her, but apparently she was quite the “smokeshow,” as the kids say these days, and she was in the movie Grumpier Old Men. And now that I think of it, our good friend and colleague Tara told me that that movie was based off of you and Mike. I wasn’t quite sure where she got that idea from, but I suppose I’ll take her word for it.
Sofia Loren… the original smokeshow!
Well, enough slobbering over Miss Loren here. Bottom line is that if you ever make it out here, I would highly recommend you check out one of the islands, because that’s where you’re going to get an authentic Greek experience. And while I was there, I even found myself a nice fisherman’s outfit!
Watch till the end. You won’t be disappointed.
I think it’s a pretty good look, but unfortunately, by the time you read this, those lovely locks and that beard will be tamed. The wife couldn’t take it anymore and demanded I get a haircut. I pleaded with her, explaining you once had a great mane and sported it with pride during the Washington National’s World Series run of 2019, but she wasn’t having it.
All wasn’t lost though. I found this place called Barberia Atenes, of which advertise as a “Gentlemen’s Club.” Now, I know what you’re thinking, and I can assure you, this isn’t one of those Gentlemen’s Club that Hunter Biden goes to. No no, none of that greasy stuff. These guys were top notch, professional, and well dressed, the true definition of the word “gentlemen.” And Rich, I kid you not, the first thing they ask me when I walked in, “Hello sir, would you like a drink while you wait? Perhaps a glass of whiskey?” My mind was blown. And this wasn’t that cheap whiskey that our buddy Mike used to drink as a sailor. No way José. This was some quality stuff.
After a few sips the barber was ready and I took my seat. “Sir, what type of cut would you like?” Talk about a riddle that had me stumped! It’d been so long since I had a cut that I had completely forgotten what my go-to style was! My mind started racing, my head grew dizzy, and I took another sip of whiskey. I couldn’t just waste their time like that! Back in the states at a Sports Clips? ok, maybe I’d have some time, but these were professionals, with clients to see and things to do! I had to think, and think quick! “What type of cut would Rich get… THAT’S IT!!!”
I rummaged through my phone and found an old pic of you and me from the Navy Yard days, and told the man, “I want to look like that.” Rich, no lie, they gave me the best haircut I ever had. They cut with precision, they trimmed my beard, they spend 45 minutes primping and pampering, making sure every last detail was complete.
Then I started sweating. “You know, this is really nice. Like, over the top nice, something only those fancy politicians can afford. And all the whiskey, the pomp and circumstance, attention to detail, this has probably got to run me… uh oh…” Let me tell ya, I really stepped in it big time. I was seconds from blowing my entire budget on one stinking haircut. I was feeling sicker than ever, and even regretted getting that refill or two of whiskey. Tipsy or not, I braced myself for the damage.
“Thank you, sir. That will be 30 euros please.”
“What? Come again? 30 euros???” Rich, I couldn’t believe it. I felt like a king! “30 euros? Please, take my money! And here’s an extra 5 for the tip!!!” All that for 30 euros? Heck, I almost pay that much for a haircut at any dusty old place back in DC, and when it comes to tipping, they’re actually grateful for tips over here. A great cut, a complimentary glass of whiskey… you bet your sweet toosh I’ll be going back!
Not too shabby if I say so myself!
And it occurred to me while I was there. My engineering days may be numbered, for I may just need to open myself a whiskey bar/hair cut place when I get back to the States, because I can’t believe nobody had ever thought of that prior. Then again, I may need to be careful about who I tell. I’m telling you because I can trust you, but some of these guys, even our good buddy Mike, you just never know. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Mike and believe he’s a stand up guy, but you know what they say in the Navy, “Trust but verify.”
…Well, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe telling Mike isn’t such a bad thing after all. I’m sure if we work with him a little bit, I betcha the man can clean up pretty well and looks pretty sharp in a suit. And now that I’m really thinking about it, he may be the perfect spokesman, a poster boy to show the world that we can turn even the likes of him into a class act, a perfect gentlemen.
The Perfect Gentlemen… that’s it! That’s the name of my new business! And I’ll tell you what, if I ever get this thing off the board, you’ll be my first customer!
That’s about all that’s going on right now. I hear the Nats are playing the Dodgers this week, and I also heard about how the Dodgers pulled Kershaw when he was 6 outs away from pitching a no hitter. I don’t know about you, but that’s unbelievable. I don’t know what it is with these sports stars these days. I think they’re all a little too spoiled if you ask me, because you wouldn’t see the likes of Roger Clemens or Nolan Ryan stepping off the mound if they were on the brink of pitching no hitters. It’s a shame, but that’s how it is with these kids these days. The best I can do is teach my little guy appropriately. And don’t you worry, I’ve been getting him well acquainted with the classic sports legends since the day he was born. And trust me, I’ll be guiding him as long as I can.
Some of the greatest athletes of our generation, no doubt
January 26th 2022 – The Turkeys keep getting me down!
Well Rich, I wish I could say Kalimera with all my heart. But I was really hoping that I would be bearing good news that my Packers avenged your Cowboys by defeating the 49ers last Saturday. And dag nabbit, I’m still mad about it all! I know I shouldn’t be, because one, we have a few 49ers fans back in the office and I’m sure they’re all having a great week about it, and despite their poor judgements on what football team to root for, they’re all still decent and well-mannered people. And two, it’s what the good book teaches us, but I just can’t help it! That book’s really long! Heck, I’ve been reading it for a year now, and I’ve only gotten to the part where Jesus starts performing all those miracles and stuff! And you know me, Rich, I try really hard to be a good guy and everything and to do what the good lord tells us, but I just haven’t got there yet. All those years sitting next to our neighbor Mike keep weighing us down. I don’t know how you do it sometimes…
Well, in other news, we finally got all our paperwork in order to drive our car. But then, this happened…
And this…
This too.
So that means no driving for us… still.
It was a complete Snowpacolyse! Except for the grocery store and a few cafe’s, the whole city’s shut down! We had to have gotten over a foot of snow, and the Greek’s never get snow, so needless to say we’re hurting a little bit over here. Can you imagine Socrates trying to walk up to the Acropolis to teach philosophy, or King Leonidas fighting Persians in this? No wonder he got all made and kicked that guy down the pit!
Rich, it’s so bad, they won’t even deliver McDonalds to my house right now! Sometimes, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. “Why God, why? Why do you put me through such misery?!?!?”. All that said, you can easily conclude that it’s been a rough week so far, but I guess it gives you appreciation for everything we have back in the states.
We tried to get out and enjoy it a little bit. I don’t quite think the little guy likes the snow just yet, and the wife hit a patch of slick marble on the sidewalk and landed right on her rump! I’ll tell ya, that marble sure looks shiny and nice, which is why all those rich folks use it, and I guess it’s plentiful over here so they have it in a lot of places like the sidewalks, but one thing’s for sure, it ain’t good for walking in the snow!
At least we were still able to get a few pictures out of the whole ordeal.
Well, maybe next month I’ll be over my despair and I can bring tidings of better news. Not sure how long this snow will last, but I imagine things will warm up and wash things away soon. Now it’s just a matter of what the aftermath is.
As always, keep an eye on the team for me. I hope they are coping better than me right now.
March 16th 2022 – Lots of Firsts for the Little One!
Kalimera Rich!
First off, I can’t believe I missed February! But in reality, I suppose it’s not that unbelievable, being that February is the shortest month, and I was still in mourning over the Packers losing, along with all the other crazy stuff going on in the world. You think gas prices are bad now over in the States, over here it’s like 9 bucks a gallon (which it has always been expensive over here, but still)! It’s ridiculous! But now that the Packers have resigned Aaron Rodgers for a few more years, it seems that I’ve been able to operate with more clarity, thank the Lord.
Speaking of the Lord, Rich, I did something I thought I could never do… I read the entire bible, all the way through, all 2,300 pages of it. And let me tell ya, I already feel like a better man! Our good friend Mike would be proud! All those times I came by his desk and he’d shake his head in disappointment, saying “Zack, Zack, Zack…” lowering the tone of his voice with each repetition in the same manner as you would admonish a child reaching for a cookie in the cookie jar only to knock the entire jar over and spill its contents all over the ground. If he could see me now, I just know those head shakes would turn into nods of approval followed by, “…Zack, you’re all right.”
And some more good news is that we were able to travel and see the ocean, now that we have our car and can drive! Took a nice little getaway for the weekend and relaxed by the water to this little place called Glyfada. Technically, it’s still a part of Athens, but still, it was nice to get out of our regular spots for once.
We have a few trips to some of the islands next month, so we’re pretty excited for those. I’ll be sure to take pictures and send them to you guys.
The little guy’s doing pretty good. He met his first friend at the park the other day. Was a little nervous about how he’d interact with other children, but he just went up and gave him a big hug! It’s probably similar to the first time you met Mike at the office. Scary and unpredictable, but sometimes, it’s just meant to be.
He should be walking any day now. In fact, I think he can walk now, but he’s a little scared to do it on his own. When he does, watch out, because it’ll be big trouble in little Greece. In the meantime, he got his first haircut, and we took him to the aquarium.
Boy did he enjoy that! But we gotta be a little careful with him. I let him watch this Cocomelon show on TV, and now he’s hooked! I’ll only let him watch for a little bit, but holy cow does he throw a fit when I turn it off! He acts like a Bears fan whenever they lose to the Packers, or an Eagles or Redskins fans when they lose to the Cowboys. Like, you know it’s coming, but I guess they have to learn to take it with grace. We’ll get there… someday.
I can’t lie, even I’m a little hooked…
But now, I’m going to call in a favor from ya. There’s this facilities management position opening at the embassy, so it’s time to update the ol’ resume and I need to get some names, numbers and emails from ya. Truth be told, I may need another favor from ya in the future, just like everybody else in the office. I think it’s because you’re the one they can trust, and if something needs to get done, they can count on you, at least that’s my motto.
I think that’s all for now. Gotta get ready for some lunch before the little guy wakes up. Until next time, keep up the good work on your end, and I’ll represent us well over here.
At least that’s what they say over here in Greece. It’s supposed to mean good morning or good day or something, but I can’t understand anything that anybody says over here! It’s like they’re speaking in Ancient Greek or something!
That being said, we made it over here safe and sound and we’re starting to get all settled in, but it wasn’t easy. We barely made our flight out of DC, and I was running with three bags in my hand just to make sure we caught our flight out of here. Let me tell ya, Dulles can be a madhouse, and some of those TSA agents can be a real pain in the keister. And geez, it seemed like I was running for miles after I finally got passed those guys! I don’t know why they had to make that airport so dang big! Thankfully, it sounds like the good lord had an angel guiding us, cause I don’t know how we would’ve made it without one of those. And double thankful that we didn’t have to ride on one of those weird looking transport buses. You know, the ones that look like the imperial walkers from Star Wars? That would’ve been a nightmare!
And speaking of angels, that baby boy of mine was so good on the flight. Slept most of the way, and didn’t even cry except for a few brief moments, which nobody can fault him for. You would’ve been proud of him, except for the part when we were landing… then there was trouble…
We were giving him some milk, you know, to help with the pressure and his ears. He almost got it all the way down, but then catastrophe struck. Rich, that boy barfed the entire bottle of milk back up, and that stuff went everywhere! All over the seat, my pants, the blankets, my wife… Everywhere! Talk about a disaster trying to clean it all up. But he made up for it when we went through customs. That seems to be the trick around here, just have a baby in your hands. “Oh, you have a baby? Go right ahead, don’t worry about your COVID papers. Your passport? Ah, just keep them in your pocket. I trust ya with that little guy. Go ahead, skip to the front of the line…” Ok, ok so I may have been exaggerating a little bit, because they’re still a little nuts about the COVID stuff here, but you get the idea.
Besides trying to get my sleep schedule on track, everything has been going pretty well, and we’re starting to settle in. And between you and me, they set us up real good. Our place is huge! I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all this space, so if you’re ever feeling adventurous, stop on by and see me.
I got lots of work still to do before everything is good and dandy, for we still haven’t even gotten all our stuff yet! But we got a few years to take care of that, so I’m not too worried. Hopefully I’ll have some pictures to share on my next update, and I still need to go out to the Acropolis sometime. I hear that place is pretty spiffy. Hope things are going well back in the homeland. Say hi to all the folks for me, and keep a lookout for ol’ Mike. You know how much I worry about him.
October 6th, 2021– Cliff? What Cliff?
Kalimera Rich!
Thought I’d give you guys another life update as well as the long-awaited pictures you had asked for. And I would’ve emailed last week, but I felt as though it would be appropriate for those who needed time to grieve. I mean, did you see that thwomping the Cowboys gave the Eagles? Holy cow, our good buddy Mike must’ve been a mess! One day, he’s shouting “fly Eagles fly!” The next, he’s on he’s banging his fists on his desk, crying, “why Eagles why?” I sure hope he’s doing ok, and I certainly think enough time has passed, but you never know.
We still haven’t received our car, so I haven’t been able to make my visit to the Acropolis yet, but my wife had a work dinner down there recently and got some nice pics. Hopefully I’ll get myself some pics too in the near future. But man, for all the talk about crumbling infrastructure, the Greeks could do some upgrades themselves!
Acropolis During the DaytimeAcropolis at Night
Thankfully, the Infrastructure at our house still looks pretty sound. Just check out this place! You know me, I only accept the highest standards for me and my family.
Ok, ok, so that’s not our real house. That’s actually the ambassador of South Africa’s residence. But one can always dream, right? Our place looks a little more modest, but you know me. I’m a pretty modest guy myself and eternally grateful for the gifts the good Lord has provided me. Just give me the basics: shelter, food, beer, and I’m a happy man!
Speaking of food, I think I already found the best restaurant in Greece. I’m tellin’ ya, if you ever come to visit, you gotta try this place. It’s amazing! And the prices aren’t too bad either. Some of the burgers are the best I’ve had since I got here, almost as good as some of the ones you get in the States!
Running can be a dangerous endeavor in Greece, for people drive like they’re mad, and they’re holes all over the place! But you know me, that can’t stop a guy like me from venturing out and exploring. I guess I’m just that type of guy! And judging by the views, I’d say it’s worth it! (it turns out, I was able to get my shot of the Acropolis after all…)
Check out the View!The Olympic Stadium
The other day, however, I woke up early to get a run in before the wife went to work. Feeling adventurous and confident in my navigational abilities, I decided to take a trail up the side of the mountain. Immersed in the beauty of the land, I ran through the Greek landscape guided by the spirits of the ancient philosophers Socrates and Plato and propelled by the strength and courage of the great warrior Pheidippides at Marathon, knowing they would show me the way back to my house with ease and… and…
Uh Ohh…
“Oh. Crap.” I said to myself, looking down upon the cliff in front of me. I was stuck on top of this mountain, without a clear path home. The wife would be awake any minute now, wondering where on Earth I could be. At this point I had two options in front of me. Retrace my steps and attempt to find the way back home, which would almost certainly result in me being late and a severe tongue lashing from my wife, or risk death by traversing down the cliff where I could clearly see the road and the path back home. Forced to think quickly on my feet and using the skills I learned in back at the Navy Yard assessing risk, I asked myself, “what would Rich do in a situation like this?” Suddenly, the answer was as clear as day. Thus, I proceeded the death-defying climb down the cliff.
“Hi hun, how are you?” I asked my wife as I walked in the door, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And seeing that she had just woken up a few minutes prior, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
“Good, how was your… run?” I didn’t like the way she said that last word, nor the way she was staring at me. You know the feeling as well I do. Your wife senses something’s wrong, and all of a sudden, here comes a flood of questions. And let me tell ya, I could see punishment coming from a mile away.
“Why is your body covered in dirt? Oh my gosh, look at all those scrapes all over your arms! and why is your shirt ripped? Did you fall? Where did you run? You know I told you not to run on those trails in the morning! And look at all those bruises on your legs? Did you fall or something–“
“No, I didn’t fall off a cliff!… I mean, cliff? What cliff? I don’t even know what you’re talking about! Why would I have fallen off a cliff? I’m not stup–look, I gotta get in the shower so I can take care of the baby and you can get ready for work. I don’t have time for 20 questions, so let’s just table this for now.
“But Zack–“
“No more questions!”
Rich, let me tell ya, it’s only by the grace of God that I survived that without any further admonishment. I gotta say though, I was sore for a week! But I’ll be back on the trail soon enough. Maybe there’s even a trail up to the Acropolis. And believe me, I’ll have all the pictures. You can take that to the bank!
Keep up the good work. Thank you for your service, and you’ll be hearing from me soon enough.
November 12th, 2021– What a mess!!!
Kalimera Rich!
I hope you had a good Veteran’s Day. It’s always good to take some time to reflect on those who served, but why am I telling you that? You are a Veteran for gosh sakes! You know all about serving and reflection, so in that light, thank you for your service and bravery!
Speaking of bravery, it must feel good to be a Braves fan these days. Good to see they finally got a World Series (better them than the Astros!).
There’s some good, some bad, and some ugly since the last time we spoke. And I suppose it’s probably best to get the bad out of the way first. Last time, you mentioned how I needed to fix up my yard a little bit. You think it was bad then, well now look what they did to it!!!
They dug a big hole in it! There was some sewage stuff going on in the basement, and boy did it stink for the people downstairs. So even though it’s not ideal, I’d rather have a hole in my yard than a smelly basement that’ll bring back horror stories of a late night pit stop at a gas station bathroom (no need for any additional details). I guess it’s as good of time as any to warn you in case you make your way out here that they don’t let you flush your toilet paper. Yeesh! it’s been a bit rough, but if I’m being honest with you, I brake the rules a little bit… but only for the first wipe or two! Gotta get the messy stuff out of the way, and I’m pretty conservative with my toilet paper square usage, so it’s not like I’m stuffing rolls down at a time. Although the strategy can lead to other messes and residue landing outside the squares, but no need for too many details. You’re a smart guy, so I think you get the idea.
Now for some good news. We finally got our house stuff shipped to us from the states. However, it was a pain in the keister to get it all unpacked and put away. Just check out this picture of what it looked like after the movers unpacked everything.
Talk about an anathema! I’m sure you’ve had to clean up messes similar to that when you were in the Navy. It took about a week or two, but we finally were able to get somewhat organized. Although we still have some work to do, it’s at least manageable.
Now if they can just hurry up with our car! We’re just dying to do some sightseeing!
Now for the ugly…
My baby boy is getting pretty big these days. My wife had to go back to the States to attend a wedding, so it was just the boys hanging out for the weekend. And I don’t want to brag or anything, but me and that little boy of mine make a pretty good team.
In fact, I even got him to start eating all by himself! Still trying to work on him using a spoon/fork, but at least he can use his fingers.
The other day though, we had a little bit of a crisis. It was early in the morning, he was still fast asleep. I snuck out of the room and decided to get a little workout in while I still had time, for these days, I’m hard pressed for it. I mean, who knew babies took up that much time??? But anyway, I found a quick window and proceeded to exercise. Tough workout, but I was feeling great, and still no sign of him waking anytime soon. “Well now, I guess I have some time for a quick shower,” I thought to myself. It was risky, but you know me… it was a risk I was willing to take.
After a nice warm shower, I dry off, get dressed, and proceed to check on the little guy. I heard him making some giggles, but no crying, no whining, nothing. “Boy, how did I get blessed with such a good boy?” I asked myself. I snuck in, ready to say good morning, for it truly was a good morning, the start to a perfect day…
I turned the corner to the crib. Rich, I’m not kidding you, there was poop everywhere. The crib, the sheets, his clothes, his feet, any place you could conceive, it was there. It was like he dropped a giant diaper bomb right in the middle of the crib! What a mess! The thing was, I wasn’t even that mad. I was more overwhelmed, and quite frankly, impressed by what my boy was capable of! However, the rest of the day consisted of baths and lots of cleaning. Not the most fun day of being a dad, but if he could do that and the tender age of 9 months, just imagine what he can do when he’s older. Look out world!
Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of the incident, so you’ll have to just use your imagination as to how the incident looked, but I think my description did a pretty decent job.
Oh, one more thing. I saw this shirt in the touristy part of town, and thought you’d get a kick out of it, since you’re kind of an old school guy. Just don’t mind the shirt below it (I edited it out a little bit, for it had some naughty words in there.
December 23rd, 2021– Christmas Edition
Merry Christmas Rich! Or as the Greek’s say it, “Kala Christoyena!”
I hope the holiday cheer is ringing true back at the office this year. My wife’s mother is here, and my family is supposed to make it over here sometime around the Holidays as well, so it should be a pretty decent Christmas, as long as they can get through the airports with all the COVID crap. Holy Bologna what a mess! At this point, I’m ready to find a doc and say, “just give me this dang ol’ thing and let’s get this over with!”
I guess if there’s a silver lining out of all this, with the delta and now with the omicron, it’s that we’re all becoming well acquainted with the Greek alphabet.
Thankfully, the Greek’s do a decent job as far as decorating and getting in the spirit. It’s not quite like it is back in the States, but I’d say it’s pretty satisfactory, especially for being in another country. It was just too bad they didn’t really do much for Thanksgiving, but at least they let my wife off for that.
We’re doing our best in getting into the Christmas spirit, but that little boy of mine has been pretty resistant. At first glance, you think you’re looking at a cute little elf on the shelf…
Then out of nowhere, he turns into a grouch on the couch!
You’d think he’d be happy about his first Christmas, but no way. Man, he’s been cranky these days. He’s been cryin’ and screamin’, and pooping up a storm! Rich, you wouldn’t believe the devastation he’s capable of making. I kid you not, I fear for my life every time I have to open up his diaper for a change…
In all fairness, he could be going through a growth spurt and getting some teeth, which may explain all the fussiness these days. Can you believe that guy will be 1 at the end of the month? I think he’s growing up too fast if you ask me, but luckily I’ve been able to savor most of it, at least the parts where he isn’t having a Code Red Nuclear Meltdown (and I’m sure you’ve experienced some of those once or twice with your kids).
One good thing about Grandma being here is that the wife and I finally got a date night out here, and boy did we pick a nice place.
Rich, let me tell ya, this place was fancy! So fancy, that our friend Marquetta would’ve walked in and said, “Oh boy, what a fancy place!” And you know that’s impressive, because she was always telling me about all the best places to take my wife on dates back in DC. The best part was, that it was half the price you would pay at one of those upscale/uptight dinner places back in the states. You know, the ones where everyone acts all snotty with pinky-sized portions for the main course? Heck, now that I think of it, it was probably even a third or a quarter of what you’d pay in some places! It’s like a piece of toast with some avocado on it costs you like 10 bucks nowadays. It’s ridiculous! Avocado on toast… Rich, sometimes, I wonder what the world is coming to…
But not this place. And believe me, they didn’t skimp on the portions like those other places either. You wouldn’t believe how much food they gave you. There was soup, pita bread, cornbread, house salad, lentil salad, eggplant salad, pepper pate, spinach pie, and that was all well before a full serving of steak and potatoes. Heck, I was already full before the steak came, but there was no way I was passing up on a nice steak. And on top of that, they gave us 3 different desserts! Rich, I’m not kidding, by the end of the night, I felt like the guy from that Monty Python movie who eats the thin mint at the restaurant and explodes. I was that full. But it was well worth it.
I hope things are going good back home, and I hope our buddy Mike is doing all right. That’s wild about what happened with his neighbors, but knowing him, he probably set all those kids straight and put a whoopin’ on them, just like his Eagles put a whoopin’ on the Team formerly known as the Washington Redskins.
Oh, and some good news. We finally got our car here! The bad news is that we have to wait a few more weeks before we get to drive and, because they have to do all sorts of processing. I’m just like, “throw me a freakin’ bone here people! I just want to get out of town and explore the country a little bit!”
Anyway, that’s about all for now. Don’t forget to share the update with folks, and tell everybody back there I wish them a very Merry Christmas and that I miss all of em’!
Until then, take care, and keep those guys out of trouble!
For the past several years, my family and I had been living in Athens, Greece. Throughout that time, we traveled, made Greek friends, had a new addition to the family, indulged in the deliciousness that makes up Greek cuisine (Souvlaki, Spanakopita, Moussaka, and Rodakia – aka Lamp chops 🤤🤤) and learned to navigate Greek Culture. But although we had an amazing experience, whether it be through a shift in priorities or simply because life happened (or maybe even me still trying to shake off the COVID blues), I actually didn’t do much blogging during that time.
Despite that, I still found a way to keep in touch with a few folks, one of those being a man named Rich from the Washington Navy Yard that I worked with. Rich is an old and distinguished Navy Chief and well recognizable Nats fan with one heck of a personality. When I messed up and made his day difficult, he let me know it! But there wasn’t a thing that he wouldn’t do for you or the office if you were in need of help, which made him one of the most beloved members of our department until his well-deserved retirement.
When I made it over to Greece, I sent him a life update to share with everybody back there on how we were doing in our new home. Upon sending an update, he promptly replied with an update of his own, letting me know how his life was going and about all the office dealings. So, I wrote again the next month, and again, he promptly replied with an update. Each time I’d write, he would reply back to me, and thus, the updates kept going. And now, as I look through all our old emails now, I realized that I sort of had myself a journal of my Greek adventures..
So, thanks to an old Navy Chief, I’ve started working a new project called “Kalimera,” (aka “Good Morning” in Greek) that I can now share with the world, told through the perspective of my emails I sent to my good buddy Rich. I’m excited to share with everybody, and hopefully you’ll have as much fun reading it as I did writing it!
So stay tuned for updates and cheers, or as the Greeks say, “Yamas!”
On December 29th, 2020, my life changed forever. Whether I knew it or not, my son’s birth would become the most dramatic life-altering event I would come to know, and quite possibly will ever know. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head, that there is something more to a birthday than just having cake and getting presents. On that day, its meaning became much deeper.
As an avid blogger at the time, I posted all about it (The Significance of a Birthday), adding bits of humor as is typical of the Grizzly Chadams style. But somehow through the silliness, I managed to churn out the following poem:
The Significance of a Birthday:
It is a day of remembrance.
A day to reflect on nine months spent inside your mother’s womb. It is a day to remember the nurturing, hard work, and sacrifice that took place, all in preparation for your delivery. The hours spent in labor, risking one’s life to ensure the sanctity of another. A day to remember, after all the anguish, discomfort, and sleep deprivation, the overwhelming joy of seeing your face for the very first time.
It is a day of triumph. That against all odds, you developed from a few cells into the person you are today. It is a reminder, a living example of the miracle of life.
It is a day of reflection. We reflect on your greatest successes, the lessons you’ve learned, and the times you fell, only to pick yourself back up again. We reflect on the person you’ve become, the progress you’ve made, and the endless opportunities ahead of you.
It is a time to remember that on that day, the world would be forever changed.
Your birthday… the day you entered the world. The day you forever changed our lives. A day of intense pain and depleted energy, exerted for the sole purpose of giving you life.
A day to remember it was all worth it.
So, for that, we celebrate. Because among all things, the day of your birth is one worth celebrating.
Though I was pleased with the result, I wasn’t sure how it would reach an audience past my Facebook friends and Instagram followers (which isn’t particularly large). But soon, I would find out that my mom was making personalized cards for her friends’ birthdays with the poem on them. It wouldn’t be much longer that I received a message from her with an idea. “Hey, you should turn this into a children’s book!”
I really liked where her head was going, but quickly learned that when you have a newborn, coupled with moving to another country, starting on a new career path, navigating a new culture and learning its language (all through the throws of the COVID-19 pandemic I’ll add you), that life gets in the way pretty quickly! So, I sat on it for a while, almost hoping somebody would come along, see it, and do all the hard work for me. Eventually, that yearning caught up to me and I came to the realization that if it was going to happen, I had to suck it up and do it myself.
So, I bought myself a book appropriately titled, “How to Self-Publish a Children’s Book,” and got to work. I followed the steps, creating an illustrator’s brief, book specs, and an art release form among other documents. I learned through trial by error about book formatting and took a crash course in the amazon publishing process. I put together a job posting, sifted through about 75 applicants, and ended up hiring a Ukrainian Illustrator, which, thanks to the war, turned a 3-month job into 9 months, much longer than either of us had originally anticipated. And now, almost 4 years later, my first book is ready and available for the masses!
Looking back, I really have no recollection of writing the original poem. Nothing of the concept, the structure, how it would flow, or even a thought that it would turn into a book and make me a children’s book author. The crazy thing is, I have a novel that I’ve been working on for north of a decade that I was sure would be my first book! But, somehow through divine intervention, not only was I able to perfectly encapsulate all the thoughts on my son’s birth, parenthood, and how special that moment was in such a succinct manner, but I was able to take that vision and turn it into picture. And the more that time passes and I get to watch my kids grow, the more it becomes true, almost as if the Holy Spirit was moving through me to write something beyond my comprehension.
As I write this, there’s a temptation to expand on my thoughts of birthdays, parenthood, and the rest. For if given the freedom, I could probably write several pages on the topic now (and if you’ve ever read any of my blogs, you probably know what I’m talking about). But, for everyone’s sake, I’m going to resist, because in the back of my head, I know that because this book does this so concisely, any further explanation would weaken the message.
So, what are my hopes for this? Well, if it made me a million dollars and allowed me to retire early, that would be a dream come true. However, more importantly, if it changes the heart of a reader, brightens their day/week/month/year/life, and helps them realize how important they are, I’ll gladly take that. If it helps a struggling parent remember the beauty of the role they play and to keep carrying on, then that’s worth more than any financial reward I could reap. And, if there’s anybody out there who’s terrified of being a parent, or perhaps have received some unexpected news and have some doubts about themselves (something I’m sure all of us first time parents have felt), and after reading this they say, “I got this…” then, praise the Good Lord.
Below are some excerpts of the book, and if it’s something you think is worth 12 bucks (or 4 bucks for an e-version), then please consider purchasing a copy, and especially consider supporting an up-and-coming author. If it turns out that this was something you really enjoyed, then please leave a review on Amazon so I can help get them algorithm to like me more (and if it you thought it was just so so, then I would ask that you exaggerate just a little 😉). And most importantly, if you received some enjoyment out of it, please consider buying a copy for somebody for their birthday and sharing the message with them.
Because at the end of the day, what better gift idea is there than a copy of this book 😉😉😉?
The Trials and Tribulations of a Grizzly Chadams 